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So what about control?  

Whilst I appreciate we all approach CP differently, it is my opinion that many people fail to get everything they should from CP purely because they don't bother to learn and are therefore missing out on huge benefits.  This goes for people at both ends of the cane and is a huge part of why I hold so very few Disciplinarians in high regard - most never bother to learn, particularly to so-called professionals - and it also applies equally to lifestylers and to professionals. 

Yes, we can all have fun spanking or being spanked on a very ... level.  It can be kinky foreplay; it can be a w**k fantasy - it is fun. 

However, there is far more to CP than that and to ignore or dismiss this is selling it - and us - far short; not to mention you could be missing out on so very much.

As you will have seen from the reviews written by some Sanctum members, CP and Discipline have the ability to not only enhance one's life but also to fundamentally change it.   When you play with a Disciplinarian who knows what they are about and who is prepared to put all of themselves into ensuring you get everything you need, it is an amazing experience.   

And what is the basic requirement for this sort of experience?  That you be prepared to relinquish control completely; that you place yourself in the Disciplinarian's hands and allow them to guide you and give you what you need. 

The first step to giving up control?  Trust.  Yes, I know there are those among you who will be thinking they would never be so stupid as to completely trust another person and hand over control to them.  Well, how sad is that? I appreciate it is a leap of faith for many, but it is essential if you are to have the sort of transcending experience that so many who do take this step achieve. 

I am not expecting anyone to blindly trust - it is something that has to be earned, the same as respect, and it takes time ... although I often receive emails telling me people feel they can trust me implicitly without having actually met me due to the effort I put into communicating in the Sanctum and online, as well as privately and personally.

So how do you know you can trust your Disciplinarian?  Firstly by ensuring they actually are a Disciplinarian.  There are very few Disciplinarians I recommend these days, mainly because there are very few who have been around long enough to have 'served their time'; who have taken the taken the time to learn or who can at least demonstrate that they 'get it'.  You need to bear in mind that whilst many title themselves as 'Disciplinarians' and whilst many can give a pretty good walloping, very few are capable of doing more than that, simply because they either haven't bothered to learn or they lack the ability to comprehend the deeper needs.  For very many, CP - like BDSM - is just an easy way to make money.  They don't consider the client as an individual and they don't provide everything they should. 

This is fine for those who just want a thrashing and fortunately there are many 'service tops' (those who cannot/do not take control and who do precisely what the client wants) and I am grateful for them as I never have to waste my time and efforts on these people.  Bear in mind there are also many who will profess to fully comprehend but think on it - are you actually relinquishing control?  Are they taking control?  Are you really getting everything you can from a session?

But for those who want a true CP/Discipline experience, be extremely selective and choose a 'real' Disciplinarian.  Got a bit sidetracked there, sorry!

Now you will have noticed I have mentioned taking control - not you giving it!   Firstly, let me make this clear - CP/Discipline is a symbiotic transaction - both parties give and both take.  I cannot take what is not offered.  However, if I cannot actually take control from you; of the situation, etc. then I am not worthy of it.  You need to know that your trust and faith is well-placed and my ability to not only take control but to use it safely and in your best interests. 

You will no doubt come across people who bang on about 'the gift of submission' and how the submissive (recipient, etc.) is the more powerful and has ultimate control.  Hmmmm.  Doesn't that actually defeat the whole object?  How you can 'submit' if you retain control?  How could that ever be 'real'?  How can you be disciplined by someone who allows you to call the shots? 

it's a shame, really, as the whole 'gift of submission' thing started off as an acknowledgement of the trust placed in the Dominant by the submissive.  Nowadays, however, thanks to the ignorants who inhabit the internet, come to mean something completely different - that without the submissive 'submitting' the Dominant won't get what they need.  True, but then why don't people spout about the 'gift of their dominance'?  Because the exact same thing is true!  Hence I refer to the exchange as symbiotic. My take on it is ... if I want your submission I will take it and you will give it gladly.  Does that make sense?