life unexpected

[english]
How is it that I don't believe in god but I ask for his/her help and guidance all of the time?
I just lay in bed and talk out loud (whispering) to him/her asking to show me the way to make amends with myself.
I tell him/her that I've changed that I'm no longer the same person and can I have some peace of mind please.
He/She does not answer to my questions and I am left alone with my thoughts.