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How to explain

That my brain

Learned to simulate social situations while they're happening to try and protect me from every possible awkward outcome

I wish you'd know

How badly I want to let go

And let myself be wholly present in the situation and not lost in my own internal world

Maybe if I knew

How to

Communicate how I really feel instead of manifesting anger and frustration

Sometimes

For just a few seconds

I feel it...

That perfect balance between outer world and inner

Perception and feeling in sync

Everything slows down

The noises in my head die down

And I'm scared because I realize the feeling is fleeting

And I try to hold on to it but I can't and it slips away

An endless cycle

My own private cognitive circus, performing just for me. 

How to explain what I need from you

How to let you give me what I need from you

How to let go of the need to explain how to give me what I need and just

Be.