when I was little, my mom used to lock me up in my room. She tried to keep me out of the street thugs that were always messing about in our neighborhood. They were about my brother's age, 3 years older then I was. some of them my age. She used to "tuck" me in my bed, close everything up, shed the curtain off, lock the door. Two clicks. I wasn't very young, maybe nine or ten, I used to lay still in my bed, fear crumbling its way, darkness covering my every breath. From the keyhole I could have seen a little yellowish light, not bigger then the tip of my finger.
I hate the dark.
5 years later, my big brother took off, he was 18 and a big thug in the scales of those days. Already got himself arrested 5 times for theft and armed robbery. I hear he is still coming in and out of prisons. I haven't seen him since can't say I am all that sorry, even.
It took me 10 years before I locked someone up. In the dark. While I set and drank my glass of Brandy, comfy arm chair, stretching.
She was afraid of me, no doubt. I would have too, if I were in her shoes. We talked about snow, about avalanches, being stuck under the heavy weight of this white wonder. Man cannot challenge nature. He is nothing compare to this encompassing greatness. She listened to my every word, enchanted maybe. It was as if I have put this special spell I poses over her. 3 days have passed before first she knocked on my door. Half frozen, like this little scared scarecrow. stupid her, wondering off in the snow all by herself, going to visit the mysterious wolf loving guy. That was me. I know it sounds weird that they gave a 25 year old to be encharge all by himself on the wild life reserve, not even caring if one goes mad or not, but they trusted me.
Lilith, that was her name, just decided one day, to pay me a friendly visit. After spending an awful lot of time together, she wanted to know why I was so very much afraid of the dark. So I showed her. She was smiling at first. After a couple of hours, she started yelling for help. Silly girl. Don't you understand that when visiting the reservation keeper, no one can hear you except the wolves? But we will get back to Lilith later.
It's funny, I sleep near the ocean now. It was so humid this summer I though I will sweat myself to death. back then in the reserve, there was not such a thing as summer. No such thing as "Sun". Back then I had the whole forest all for myself. Far away from Mom. not-existing Dad, lost brother. I don't know if they know that I am out here. disconnected from the rest of the world. a lonely wolf. I keep to myself, my air conditioner, my four walls of 3 rooms apartment, in this poor section of Town. Tel-Aviv.
My routine is funny. No one knows about my past, no one asks.
I am still afraid of the dark, though.
There is always one light on.
לפני 19 שנים. 16 בנובמבר 2005 בשעה 17:21