| slave_dog2000 |
לפני 14 שנים •
12 בינו׳ 2010
סיפור משובח
מחכים להמשך!!! |
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Anjelina{Eliphal}
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לפני 14 שנים •
16 בינו׳ 2010
Part 1
I had the pleasure to read your story not once but three times ... and enjoyed it very much ... I read the story as a whole the first time ... then the second time i Wanted to know more about the thinking of the characters ... you as well as the Mistress Alexis.
Even if you could not have gone into the thoughts of the Mystress, you could have questioned her more Motives and your thoughts to her processes ... you could have gone a bit more in depth on your own behalf as well. Purpose of my third read is to question the Whys for the situation for each character Portrayed ... writing in such a manner covers more bases and shows you where you can improve a bit as well as where you are falling off in your writing All in all it has a great deal of potential and i Purposefully waited for the part 2 to see what you would come up with on your own ... keep up the good work ... I expect to see a lot more of you in future Good Luck Anjelina |
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מיכל המאלפת(שולטת)
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לפני 14 שנים •
29 בינו׳ 2010
אין.... אין...
כבר הרבה זמן לא חיכיתי בכזה קוצר רוח להמשכו של סיפור
כמו שכבר אמרו לפניי, יש כמה שגיאות תחביריות קטנות, אבל גם עם השגיאות הסיפור מצויין, סוחף, מעניין, מסקרן, מעורר ומשאיר טעם של עוד. היו אפילו כמה קטעים קטנים שהזכירו לי את עצמי שאפו.
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