Female Stress Diet

Female Stress Diet

This is a specially formulated diet, designed to help you cope
with the stress that builds up during the day:

BREAKFAST:
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
Small portion lean, steamed chicken with a
cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 chocolate biscuit

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the chocolate biscuits in the packet
1 tub of Rocky Road ice cream with Choc-ice topping
1 jar nutella

DINNER
4 bottles of red wine
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza

LATE NIGHT SNACK
Whole frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten
directly from freezer)


DIET RULES:
1. If no-one sees you eat something, it has no calories

2. When drinking a diet-coke with a chocolate bar, the fat in the
chocolate bar is cancelled out by the diet-coke.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories
don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes does NOT count. (for example:
chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka)

5. If you fatten up the people around you,
you will look thinner.

6. Cinema-related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part
of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake.
(this includes: popcorn, minties, maltesers, jaffas and frozen cokes)

7. Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up
causes calorie leakage.

8. Food licked from knives and spoons has
no fat if you are in the process of cooking something.

9. Foods that are the same colour have the same amount of fat.
Examples are: spinach and peppermint ice-cream;apples and red jelly snakes.

10.Chocolate is a food-colour wildcard
and may be substituted for any other colour.

11.Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity
and the density of calorie mass.

12.Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it
rightfully belongs to the other person and the fat will cling to his/her plate.

And remember:
STRESSED SPELT BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS