Question

Question

SyM • 4 במאי 2007

I see people here say that they do this out of love and respect for the other side. How does that work? How can you humiliate someone, crush and hurt them if you respect them?
How do you make the switch? One moment you are my beloved wife, the next you are my cum-licking whore?
No matter what people say, I think you harbor some sort of contempt and hatred for the other side constantly if you engage in this.

Answer

ראובן • 15 במאי 2007

Dear Sym

Dominance and submission are integral parts of the human being - they are present in all aspects of our lives, erotic and otherwise. Now, indeed most people do not acknowledge the power themes that course through our sexual lives, but 'we' certainly do

Who is to judge what's right or wrong. Know that as soon as you start walking down the puritan road, it leads to guilt and shame as well as a sex-life that is in want of inspiration. Would you settle for a life of limited expression? maybe you would, but that only means that sexual expression does not rank high with you

Every person is entitled to some oblivion - a sense of blissful surrendering of typical social roles. If a woman who's quite powerful in the ' real world' chooses to submit erotically, thus balancing her dominant and submissive aspects, who are we to scorn her for being a ''cum licking whore'' - and by the way - why do you consider cum licking as degrading? Also - Is the essence of 'whore' degrading in itself??? It seems your soul is imbued with guilt. Do grow up

About the trait of loving a submissive - I can say only this - of course I will kiss the mouth Into which I spit, pissed and came. Of course I will love and cherish her as she is my ultimate prize. When a woman offers me her utter self, she is indeed a woman to me - much more so than all those puritanical 'vanilla' tarts you seem so fond of, who'd rather make a man miserable than happy indeed

Do get your wife to lick some of your cum, so that you could move on to other, more elaborate deeds and fantasies, as is becoming of an eloquent person such as yourself

Regards
Ruben

Instead of asking yourself

llulu​(נשלטת) • 15 במאי 2007

why it should not exist, try to ask yourself why it DEOS exist...and start to think from there and not from the other end.
it will help you to refocuse and feel from another perspective
the typical perspective is that of right and wrong...you are right...there is such a thing as right and wrong...even in sex...but the problem is that even these values do change with time, with people, with civilisations and with individuals.
indeed because their content do change
we donnot think they do. we think that there are absolute so we are confused when we discover that they can mean so much and they can be so different from one another
think for exemple of admiration,. you do seem to admire a woman that you would respect and value all the time....that you would put high on a pedestal to rever and desire
but do you know that so many dominants do admire their submissive because of the exact same reasons but seen from a different perspective : because they love them under them, because they take all their shit and all their humiliations without uttering a word.....because they have the courage to be all and everything that can in a woman
dont you admire whores ?
as per power
power is considered as bad in our days. power means violence today and violence is bad bad bad
nevertheless being powerless today is considered as a weakness
being weak is not valued. it is despised...it is feared....
it is bad bad bad
so where is the right and wrong here ?
choose your values Sym....withing as much liberty of judgement as possible...and then....travel easily withing and between them
it will make your life easier

Thank you

SyM • 16 במאי 2007

For your candor answers. They do offer some insights.
Dear Ruben – I did not come to judge. If you’d have done some research, you’d have discovered that my wants and needs are far from vanilla. I merely speak from my own experience.
I know I find it difficult to hold respect for the woman I’m with. It’s something I need to work on, and hence – asked for my peers’ advice.

Dear Sweetslave – All those things you mentioned as ‘bad, bad, bad’ are an integral part of my life. Violence, weakness, fear and power. I did indeed choose my values. Some – I guarantee you – are wrong in the eyes of society. But our life is all about the choices we make.

From what you both said I can gather this: I shouldn’t do this while not respecting the other side. It causes nothing but harm all around.

שלגי • 19 במאי 2007

Guilt

SyM • 20 במאי 2007

Thanks for your thoughtful reply, Shilgi, but my lack of respect does not stem from guilt.
What troubles me is, what if the guy you are with gets off on judging you and mocking you for what you are?
He calls you a whore to belittle you, without caring if you are getting any enjoyment out of it...

I bet there are women who'd go for that. But I think it's an unhealthy relationship for both sides.

Re: Question

Here And There​(נשלטת) • 12 ביוני 2007

hey Sym,
i dont think its BDSM is a matter of love or hate, unless ur doing it for the wrong reason, meaning using bdsm as an excuse to act on ur agressions, to me at least, bdsm is another way to get sexsually aroused by roll playing. Both sides are doing something they like- the submissive to serve and be controlled and the dominant to control, and at the end of that that, thats all that it is- roll playingl.

From what you say it sound like bdsm is something that is not to be done between loving couples becuase its done with resentment and intentions to hurt someone seriously, and if thats the case why does that only aplly to lovers?

Here And There​(נשלטת) • 12 ביוני 2007

and at the end of that that, thats all that it is- roll playingl.

i meant- at the end of the day, thats all that it was.

SyM • 13 ביוני 2007

Thanks Fairy, what you said made me think. And as for your question - not at all.
I don't talk about anyone other than myself.
Like I said before, I did not come to judge.
This began out of my wondering how you - the men and women of this site - accomplish the task of maintaining respect.

humiliation, etc....

Mistress Gatta • 23 ביוני 2007

humiliation
humiliation


1: state of disgrace or loss of self-respect 2: strong feelings
of embarrassment
3: depriving one of self-esteem(abasement)


So now is the question to A/all :


Why does humiliation play such an important role in BDSM,
why do W/we enjoy it, and what does humiliation to E/each
of U/us really mean?

But is it true that humiliation really exists? I teach My slaves that there is nothing, NOTHING humiliating when serving your Mistress/Goddess. Is kissing Her boot even in public humiliating?

When I call My slave slut, My little whore or My cute bitch- Am I humiliating him or praising him? Sure, I am PRAISING him, because he is MY slut, My bitch, My, My, MY...

So humiliation is not humiliation, but in fact praising, its honor and privelage of real submission to true Dominance.

Oh, one other thought on that subject....no matter how
W/we all want equality, certain things in life cannot be
equal. For example, picture this (LOL): vanilla environment,
and Mistress slaps Her slave few times across the face...well,
at the most She receives glances. Now imagine the same scenario
with roles reversed: Master slapping His female slave
( W/we are still on the subject of humiliation here!) Well...what
do you think will happen in vanilla establishment after
that?
So humiliation is gender sensitive.



The Art of the Blush; Erotic Embarrassment and Humiliation

Screamer
Before we get started, let's define our terms. I've taken dictionary definitions for all three of these words and put them into easy to understand descriptions.

Embarrassment – To cause to feel self-conscious or ill at ease.
Humiliation – To lower the pride, dignity or self-respect of another.
Degradation – To dishonor; to reduce in rank or status; to lower in moral character; to reduce in worth or value.

Quite a difference, huh?

For me, those three words conjure up completely different images. Maybe they don't for you, and the lines aren't clear.

Let me show you my lines.

Embarrassment: In a quiet movie theater, he leans to you and whispers, "Are your panties wet, little girl?" Or you're standing in Safeway, near the frozen foods, and he announces rather loudly that you're out of KY Jelly, and would you please pick some up and put it in the basket?

Humiliation: You are kneeling in the living room, naked, your head against his hip and begging for sex, using explicit language, and declaring how unworthy you are that he bestow such an honor on you. Or you crawl across the living room floor, head down, quiet, to drink out of a bowl on the floor, next to his chair.

Degradation: You are made to urinate in your own panties, and sleep in them, after being told that you aren't worth the water to clean yourself up. Or he asks, in front of friends, "You're just too stupid to understand, aren't you?"

See the difference? (Keep in mind that these lines are subjective, and these are mine. Yours may be different, but you get the idea, right?)

Most folks that I know in D/s circles play with erotic embarrassment without even realizing that they're doing it. It becomes simply part of what makes them hot; what makes them who they are as partners.

And I do know a lot of folks who play with humiliation in varying degrees. I, myself, have become rather fascinated with it, though I have experienced far less than enough of it to know if it's really my bag or not.

Degradation? I have no desire for this. Some submissives do. And if it's what turns their crank, as long as it doesn't do permanent damage to their psyche, more power to them. But I don't know many people who could stand up to that for extended periods of time without doing irreparable damage.

Why do we like this? I think a great deal of it has to do with taking us to our most basic selves - taking a really good look into what makes us who we are. I think that many submissives feel that breaking down those walls between what's okay, and what we were raised to *believe is okay is a way to get back to being whole. And I believe that as well, to a large extent.

I believe that erotic embarrassment has the ability, when used in a caring relationship, to tear away a lot of that societal bullshit we were all raised to believe was right for us. It allows us to hear things like "You're going to beg for my cock tonight, bitch" and feel a swell of energy go straight from our spine down to our cunts, rather than being utterly offended, as our mothers would. It allows us to be free sexual beings, which is, as I believe, the Goddess intended us to be. I can't imagine a world where the Goddess would give us all this wonderful sexual ecstasy, only to tell us not to enjoy it while we could.

And I think that erotic humiliation takes that one step further - not only taking down those walls, but also ones we didn't even know we had. I don't know about you, but I don't remember anyone ever *telling me that it wasn't okay to crawl across the floor and beg for a taste of someone's cock, but yet, instinctively, before I started in D/s, I *believed that it wasn't. After having done it a few times, I can tell you - it's okay <g>.

I have quite different feelings about degradation, although I do know of a few people who have successfully used it in a D/s relationship to attain a goal. I personally would not be comfortable with it - at least, not in any relationship I've been in to this point.

There's something very wicked about being told to beg; something very basal about being made to say all those words that we were raised to believe that "ladies don't think, let alone say out". An added bonus to that feeling of deviance is that using the words - hearing them and saying them - somehow takes the mystique out of them. I know, several years ago, I hated the word cunt. I couldn't say it and I tore into anyone who used it around me. Now, it's a word I use frequently. In most circumstances, I *like being called a bitch. I can refer to my body parts with words that I didn't believe I'd ever be able to use.

How freeing is that?

"The Art of the Blush" isn't for everyone. Some folks, no matter how much they enjoy reading about erotic embarrassment and humiliation, can't get past the stigmas that the world as a whole have put on them to be "good". And that's okay. No one says you have to like *everything. How boring would the world be, if we all wanted the same things?

If you're just thinking about this for yourself, or your Dominant has expressed an interest in playing with it, my only caution is to go into it slowly - and communicate extensively during and after the play.

As with some things, sometimes the fantasy is hotter than the reality.

But if you have the desire, give it a shot. You might be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

Keep blushing! Red doesn't only belong on your lower cheeks!

GOOD LUCK!!
www.ladygatta.com