The Ten Commandments of BDSM Interesting read

The Ten Commandments of BDSM Interesting read

Mistress Gatta • 15 במאי 2005

Ten Rules for Dominants Ten Rules for Submissives
Be patient!
Ten Rules for Dominants
Be patient!
Until you enter into a contract with a submissive, you have no more
right to order him/her around than does anyone else. Give your
bottom time to get to know you and what you are like. Finesse and
subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and
gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack
thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in
the playroom.
Be humble.
You may be God's/Goddess' gift to the world, but no one needs to
hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to
show how good you are - and plenty of opportunities to make a fool
of yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show
through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for a failure by
developing expectations that you know you can never reach.
Be open.
Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in SM,
you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced.
Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally
different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar
trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that
everyone has her or his own personal style.
Communicate!
You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information
about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes
and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM without this
knowledge is like Russian roulette. Talk about your head-space and
your view of SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be
dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules,
limits, and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom
instinctively knows the ground rules.
Be honest.
If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to
experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to
know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to
those levels at which you are completely in control of the
situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking
priority over how hot a particular scene is.
Be sensitive.
There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominant and a
self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a
creative synthesis of your needs and fantasies and your bottom's
needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissie is
serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and
submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your
submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust.
His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
Be realistic.
End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had
been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the
keys, not just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what
is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your
favorite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but
don't try to imitate them to the last detail.
Be really dominant!
Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body
and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not
just cardboard images from cigarette ads or macho stereotypes. Your
dominance enhances your whole existence. It does not cover up or
substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Make your
submissive fall in love with you, and expect him or her to give
him/herself up to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience,
and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don't shirk your
responsibility to your bottom or to your sister/fellow tops. Be
dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the
dominant role - now take it!
Be healthy!
Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in
top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the
amount you sleep, your eating habits, and your alcohol and drug
intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don't
attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a
dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of
yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of "drugs and alcohol
don't affect me that much... I can do it anyway" violates your
submissive's trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don't want to
accept the responsibilities, you shouldn't be playing the game!
Have fun!
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and
you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from
responsible, creative SM play.



Ten Rules for Submissives
Be patient!
A potential top will let you know if she or he is interested in you
or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve
and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the
realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your top to be able to
turn on like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of
you.
Be humble.
You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most sought
after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear
it. You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No
matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene.
Don't set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that
you know you and your top can never reach.
Be open.
You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone
into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are,
or how dominant or submissive they are. SM is a very personal art,
and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable
SM lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM
friends.
Communicate!
Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the
appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information about you,
such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs. But -
unless it's an emergency - wait until your top asks. Don't expect
your dominant to be a mind-reader who instinctively knows your
needs, wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene
for both of you.
Be honest.
Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant
expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs
is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can
only lead to problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate
information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.
Be vulnerable.
Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical
realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your
experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then
contract with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your
top to be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head.
It's far better to let your top surprise you, to extend your limits,
to take you to places you're never been before. When you trust your
top completely, let her or him know it, and let him or her guide you
into new fantasies.
Be realistic.
Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have
moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what
you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the
fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops are rich
enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment.
Your top's equipment is expensive - respect it and don't abuse it.
Be really submissive!
This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely.
Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your top. Exchange
information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once
it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own
specifications, then you should try being a top. You have agreed to
limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations.
Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if you don't. Accept
it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things to be
concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be
loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.
Be healthy!
SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants -
both active and passive - be in top physical and emotional health.
The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug
intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance
during a scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical or
emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds,
an "I want it all now" attitude when you aren't able to give your
all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant
and yourself best by staying healthy.
Have fun!
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and
you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from
responsible, creative SM play.

Be Good, Be Bad, Just Be Safe

הבוס שלך​(שולט) • 22 במאי 2005

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