I find myself in the same situation, same fucked up state of mind.
When my judgment is askewd and I'll do anything to untangle the tight feeling in my chest.
The feeling that leaves me shaking and crying and self destructive.
The feeling I'm so familiar with. I love that feeling, live it, cherish it, wallow in it until I drown.
There are people that want to take me out of my pool of tears, that toss me a rope and urge to swim to shore.
But I'm comfortable with the salty water on my wounds and the pain in my lungs when I can't keep my head out of the water.
It gives me something to hold on to, some sensation to ground me.
I may know all the therapy secrets to make those feelings go away for a bit, but I don't want to try them, I'm afraid they're gonna work.
So if you want to get me out of the bog you gotta get in here and drag me out, I'm not gonna do it by myself.
Despite evidence to the contrary.