I'm getting sucked into this mindset, this contredicting confusing mindset, where I want nothing.
I want alone, I want together, I want sleep, I want action.
I want nothing, so I am nothing.
I have a man in my house all the time now.
It's now expected that he'll be back, barely needs to be talked about. he has a key.
I can't escape. I can talk, ask, share my feelings and wants in order for them to be heard.
But that requires knowing your feelings and wants. That requires forming a coherent thought and communicate it. That's just too much to ask of me, I can't do it.
I want him here. Around. In my bed.
I also want space. Freedom.
Others in my bed. On my mind. With him.
I'm sad.
It doesn't have a lot to do with the situation, I'm permanently sad. And tired. And grumpy.
But I'm also getting short, irritable, resentful.
I thought it would take longer, but apparently I've been giving up too much already that it's starting to weigh on me.
Will I do something about it or just crumble?