המתת השור

in every of us women
for a long time i tried to understand the fascination seemed to exert on men and women even long after her death
on me as well
not only was she beautiful inspite of a dyed blond hair that for a reason only known to americans, she bleached in order to become famous and popular
but she had a body to kill for
she dranked, she swallowed pills by the dozens but it never seemed to touch her up to her death even though she gained a few pounds she went in her thirties, a thing that only added to her beauty and femininity.
but add to that something that i understood today
marylin's character
she never seized to look for love.
man after man,. lover after lover
she never seized to fall in love,
man after man, husband after husband, lover after lover
in that, she was the epithomy of woman, the woman eternel
who seeks endlessly to love and to be loved.
but more than than. even though was would give her heart wholeheartedly to reach that goal, she had not an ounce of mechancete
but she was too effrontee, courageous, up to gracious in her downsides, had her own mind and exerted it in her choices and attempts to be what she thought she wanted to be, an actress accomplishing her job well
she was ambitous in her perfectionism and fragile in her sense of accomplishements,
she dared not to say yes and not to say no when she had to do so
but she said no when she wanted, not because she had a sense of her own ability
but because she was herself until the end, very much a human being
inspite of her obligations as a woman at that time
that is not to say no
she lived exactly while a time when women were gaining their freedom. their mind in liberty
she was not yet completely aware of this process in time of change but yet , she was between two world : that of men authority and that of women's own mind, wanting instinctively to take her own decisions
because she wanted so
not because she was a woman
not because she was beautiful
not because she could because she was famous
but because of an enourmous personality
filled with grace, self doubt, fragility, sensitivity and humanity
she was at the crossroad of so many things at that time
and she seemed like she was taking soemthing of it all
she stumbled, she hurted, she fell and remaried
she hesitated
she cried, she laughed at herself only
never being vulgar
and together with it all
she never seized to look for love