המתת השור

three years and a half, life has been extremely difficult on me
but then, i had at least hope
today i have been wrestling with a lack of it bordering on despair really

i have dealt with the realisation that my feeling of being lonely was not a illusion but that i was really alone with no support whatsoever
so i have come to understand that my expectation to receive support was the one feeling that i had to cope with

i have dealt with the realisation that i tried to build up myself a life here
but a tree was never planted
just a few stones maybe

i have dealt with the realisation that i am propably more intelligent or maybe deeper than most of my surrouding
and that i have never succeeded in assuring myself a good structure of spiritual nurishment yet

i have come to realise that i am a survivor now
that i have to start all over again
here i am
may i bring with me the wisdom that i learned from my previous times

to follow