המתת השור

i just could not sit quietly and wait for the thing to be done
i finally snapped at him and we fought badly
as he was trying to calm me down- the absolute contrary happened and i went furious like a taurus in a rampage,
i made so much noise that some passers byes called the polic
they brought even the firefighters.....since out of shame , we did not open the door

it was a horrendous 24 hours.....and it could not be avoided.
during the whole 3 years, this case was greatly mishandled and i should learn the lessons of it quite rapidly now.
i am 50 years old and it is hight time to get to some kind of harmony
my body, my mind are just tired of the suffering.
and it should be -sanely enough - this way

wether i loose of keep this appartment, the next 5 months will and will be a lot of work as well
but now things are a lot different than what they used to be 3 years ago

i dont know why he stick around
maybe the need to eleviate a lot of suffering and mastering it....
this remains to be understood