המתת השור

between 1991 and 1996, i watched just by chance this serie aired by channel four england if i am not mistaken
then, i was taken aback by the superb acting of Helen Mirren enpersonating the then DCI Tennison
everything was perfect. the plot which was a police investigatin on a serial killer was extremely well written by Linda La Plante which got her afterwards many awards.
absolutely thrilling suspence and a life like imagery of what could be police work in London at this time
but what did strike my mind particularly was the machismo all this still all male crew was behaving towards this very clever police inspector Tennison being ignored and forced down on her capabilities just because she was a woman manifested itself all throughout the episodes.
it was not this hypocritical rendering of the superwoman proving all these men that she was stronger and cleverer than the rest of the lot in the american way. it was an exact describing of all the attitudes and spite that was transparing in everyway, everyday and at every moment towards this english woman working with a bunch of british male.
theirs and hers were very realistic rendering of the battle between the sexes of the modern world and more often the failure of women to make it to the top, still completely monopolized by men

i remember at that time, i was seeing a therapist . we had been together for a long long time together. i was working and still am btw for a foreign network and feeling completely stuck within my role of serving the main male staff there. and i was so aware that although i was doing a superb job and i was perfect at it, doing it with almost my eyes closed as i could foresee what was to be done all through and down the chain, i knew perfectly well tht i was stuck there and would remain this way for a long time

the day after the airing of the episode, i spoke to my therapist of the storyline and the struggles of Tennison
i remembered she listened to me patiently, telling her about how much i felt that i was still.,inspite of the feminine revolution of the 60s, i was a sacrified generation
for the women of my generation and particularly in israel, would not have a chance of getting off this trail of not being fully recognised in their capacities and not being able to express themselves through work in all their potential;

she smiled at me while i was telling her. i was very thrilled and enthusiastic about this rendering so precise of my feeling : an intense frustration

today, almost 20 years later, i watched again these episode and i feel the same things...but things have been changing nevertheless and the destiny of say my niece for example will not be the same tragedy than mine and others. and it is good.
but i do sense in a very strong way that the next 20 years of my life will be dedicated to enhancing what women can do and what they would like to choose and do of their life.

it is an extraordinary frustration to know that one has this capacity and not being able to express it
it should not be the lot of women nor of anybody else to feel this kind of frustration
the modern world should get rid of this impossibilities to supress one individual or another for he or she is a certain type, a certain sex, a certain behaviour, a certain intelligence or a certain particular limits.
it is changing but it is changing slowly and men should know that they are paying to high a price if they intend to keep this monopoly on self developement.

we will all pay a very high price if we donnot wake up to that. for today, everybody knows, everybody sees, that if there is not a just today, there will be a very angry tomorrow