המתת השור

the more i am looking for a dominant to be my companion
somebody bad but somebody good
and first of all a man that do love me
i thought i had that in my life
nay
in just a short 24 hours i had to anderstand that i had to kill that dream
the stuff dreams are made of
we live on dreams and fantasies
a slight delay from reality
otherwise life would be unbearable

truth beliefs and messages between the lines
coded communication
but all is null and void as per love as per when love is involved
if only

when a fortnight ago W came back into my life
i had not realized 2 years ago that he was an attractive man
why ? i was just not ready still a trouble teanager should i say
reality has been so tough to me through life that i had an encounter with folly all too real in order to escape insane from an unbearable truth

i look at it from afar and everyday i realize a little how far i went how bad i was looking all my life for the same ol' thing you know what
my father after his death told me....i wrote it here a few times
bref

this man was a solution to all my problems a shortcut a good investment a fantastic encounters of circonstances
but was he love ?
could i even develop a fantasy on this basis ?
there he was in the Sinaï and i am in Israel
Bdsm me Bdsm him
a man i could dominate and probably being dominated by
but soon i realised that there was something awckward about it
as if i felt ridiculous
let's say in unsure grounds to be dreaming in that way and anticipating
i was feeling dirty
as if reality was inevitably
wiser
unwise
and not the dreams are made of
so i killed my dream