המתת השור

ridiculous sensation of not being wanted 

and it comes so easily

maybe I blame bdsm but i think it is the epicenter of my love motions

this very core i should check 

i have been in fact chasing for love for so long a time 

i seem to have understood that through hypersex, i would get the impossible dream : love 

but every time i seem to make that sacrifice : giving up my body and emossions for the sake of love, i seem to fail miserably and make a compromise with myself 

being easy with others and understanding bring me to level of disrespect from in the sense :'well she does not that anyway...why should i make any effort....

i have a whole new desert to get through to and i do have to understand what this desert is all about 

there is a side of me who always said : never comprime and another : do

in both cases i have failed