המתת השור

herman hesse 

richard strauss 

der vier letze lieder 

...there

it seems  to be the end of an era. 

i used to sing a lot of Strauss, a musician and a musicality that seemed to fit so well my voice. 

and yes, it is the end of an era. there was a time that i had to flee israel, my home for 31 years...i was stripped naked by a monster, the sort of personalities that we call today, narcissicitic pervet. 

it was the end of the court proceeding today. in fact, this man had intended to destroy me little by little and he almost succeeded. 

this morning when it came finally to an end i had a strange tranquillity in me...

nothing really joyous...but nevertheless, i felt that life was finally entering back into my body and mind; at last;i was free to restrart my life away from this maniac

this made me think of my ex boy friend. this relation ship this narrow rise under the sun that soon came into the twilight because of reasons that resembled a bit mine 

tonight, i cn come back to israel this place that was my life for 31 years, the main place for my aduldhood, my paradise my hell 

be there for a fortnight, gather the renmants of my life there, make love to all the men i loved and still do nd thn leave for ever