המתת השור

not the first session....not the last one obvioulsy...yesterday night creeps
within me, still unwinding like a slow revelation, blurred between time and
pleasure, night and fear, pain and sex...deep, deep within me...there with
my lover, on my side, watching every step i make, every soul step i plunge
into, possessing throughout the flesh tortured, ,manipulated, desired, the
unpossessed ever ..my being ...my alone being...in all her femininity....in
all her surrendering...

how do one describe pleasure? how do one speak of unspoken sorrow? how do
one sometimes through the towel at him and, following the whim of my revolt,
contains my outbursts of wrath ? He, obviously, through his eyes, black I
see from my shadowful gaze, finds the lanes to my soul and every cracks,
every whole, every hive, manifest itself in a full loaded of extreme,
complete, in their entirety, emotions when he reaches finally, my complete
nakedness....

sexual sensations are just fleeting moments...flashes of remembrance...
there He has a system that I start to decipher and that He utilizes...

first, He brakes me into little pieces...the whole being that is standing
in front of him, on her high shoes, is brought to nakedness and on all
fours....
first he puts me there, on his side, on the cold floor, my breasts hanging,
my large bottom impossible to hide, offered, from time to time to crumbles
of attention and tenderness when, slowly, almost absently, he passes his
hands through my hair and calm the little animal, already awaken in me...

and then, only then, when my head is brought almost to this humiliating
silence, passive, mussed by an imaginary musle, do I start to brake into the
little pieces of me, separating effect of humiliation, a travail of mental
sabotage, tranquil in labor, fully conscious...

and then, my mind, this intelligent organ than never fails to make me aware
of the next move, is incapable anymore of guessing what His next move will
be...He becomes then, the Master of the game...the Owner of time...the
Holder of this mental leash which is now my only garment, protecting and
confirming at the same time, the mark of Me being His....

I complained a lot yesterday night...I whined and whimpered a lot , not
fully ready to let go,...I was tired...I dragged my feet to be at his
feet.,..but no excuse was made available to me, enough to not engage in this
route of pain and pleasure session, as clear as destiny is sometimes....
right in front of you, a total evidence...

Indifference is next momentum...never is He towards me...even in His
silence, do I feel His watching eye, a single cell in his mind knowing this
His slave, his dog is waiting for His next movement, I becoming then aware
of every move he makes, of an eyelid he flaps, of the sound of the mechanic
mouse, its clicking and softly dry sound it makes when His finger is
rolling the bead upward, and downward, bringing me to a strange stage of
auditive hypnosis...

this is when I become this little instrument , with the resistance of a
mechanical mouse, hanging at the end of this putty finger, rolling upward
and downward the now consecutive waves of fear, pain to come, pleasure to
come, expecting...only expecting...that is my only choice now, delivered to
His will....

He orders me to the bed...takes a belt....disatisfied with the behavioral
manners of my obedience..."face up to me" he says..."on your back" he says,
understanding that I will resist to him...He takes these large restraints
and applies them to my legs, both of them, opening them now in a total
exposure, my clitoris, my labia lips, rosy and long, at his complete use...I
don't have any other option than that to be open like an captive
animal...her sexual attributes offered to this Owner....just
captured.....given in abandonment now to This Master....

complicity ? a will on my part...? a strange dance of consensuality here ?
no...there is none...it is His choise, His decisions, His wills, His orders
given in silence now...the Me is not relevant anymore...I am a Sexual, an
Object, absent of reasoning absolutely, abandoned to her feelings and
sensations, returning to the far away niche of the child incapable of
deciding what She wants....a pre state of adult, in the full grown body of a
woman

How could I describe this state of total womanly enveloping me like a
fragile fur....the hair on my body becoming the only available captors of
reality around...Now, the brain is closed downed, the eyes wide shut and my
senses, just my very primitive senses are there, left to grasps what the
rest of the session will be...

soon enough, my hands are to be tied too...exposing my breasts in their
large gravity, in their rosy and white fragility, my nipple constantly hard,
no control of the body...and Him know ing that, he sticks there the two
colored pegs I hate so much...for they hurt and are ugly with their plastic
colors, like buggling at my pain and my pink...finishing the line of my
breasts with these plugs transforms me into an object even more...I would
have love his lips, his tongue to play with them and appease...but he is
determined in one thing, one thing only : transforming me into this object
that He will play with, for I now, is totally absent of mind and will.

the lashes of the belt are almost unbearable to me now...for I had learned
quickly how to cope with His whip and Him, knowing that now, He had chosen
to give me the taste of a harsher punishment...

Punished I felt for I had resisted him and fought back when he had started
to use the belt...I had lashed at him with my hand at the front, ready to
attack him back and not care for the consequences....Do you remember in this
animal documentaries when the monkey, facing the lion attacking is showing
his teeth in full wrath and charging the hairy beast, even though he knows
he had no chances to win....Maybe the fury would work by miracle...maybe the
lion would decide not to tire itself with this resisting prey and turn
around and leave...anyway, there is no other choice against pain and
fear...and damn it with His strength, damn it my nakedness, damn it He knew
that there was still a part of me wanting to be eaten, I would lash back and