Story of the bee

Im watching the men I love 

Ive loved them for years

I love them with a passion

Yet

They let me down. They play with my heart

Im loyal. Eventhough the line up has changed over the years  they are mine.

I love them when they lose too

They have caused me so much pain

Last year i felt joys and exctacy in ways i never knew

Do i hope too much

Yet the worlds changed. Maybe Its not so important any more

Nahhhh. 

But these 11 men and the everchanging line up have taught me how to love

Question:

Have you woken up and your partner is masterbating.

If so do you 

A: Ignore it and pretend to be asleep

B: Love watching them and enjoy the spectacle

C: Join in-start masterbating

D: Take over and make them cum 

Or

All of the above

Don't tell me you love me

It wont get you very far

Dont tell me Ill be yours

It wont make me submit

Dont promise me the earth

Because the cloud rain thick

Im not a fantasy

Im born of dark thoughts

Created and formed

By desire 

By need

I live in the here

The now keeps me alive

Pushed on by passion

Imprinted deep inside

Bubbling and simmering

Its there all the time

Ignited by touch

When it happens

Worlds collide

Mountains move

In an eruptions

That ebbs and flows

With devotion

Emotion

In an after glow

Period Madness

Im still having them at my ripe old age. Maybe it makes me so ripe and juicy. My husband has to cope with the moods and madness. Well he signed the contract. He gets the benefits to. Sometimes I think he enjoys the break from having to keep up with my active libido.

On reflection its my other partners who suffer. I have had to postpone encounters and scenes due to mentrual madness. I guess I am worth the wait.

3 Cocks

I sucked three diffrent cocks this week. Do I get a round of applause or a standing ovation.

Well actually two of them were rather quick and i was left rather cold from that experience.

Wang and cum isnt fun for me

I like to taste and savour the experience

I get that my warm throat and tongue feel good but when a guy cums quickly it really takes away from the intimacy and fun of the experience. I like a dom to feed me his cock and to hear him being excited in my service

So i got to thinking why do some guys cum so quickly. 

Is it when your cock is deep in my throat and i suck it down

Or

Is it when i suck suck harder and work the whole shaft.

I guess ive always taken it for granted that my blowjobs are going to be a mutually fullfilling experience.

Either way when its over so quickly it doesnt feel like its a Dom being served by a sub 

I guess its better than erctile dysfunction. 

Pain slut reflects on bdsm post Oct 7th

We are all in collective pain and the world is not getting any less painful.

As someone who finds the mix of pain and pleasure my desire to engage in this submissive activity has changed

My need is still there

But

To get me to this place has altered dramatically. 

To get me to this place means I need to be seen and heard. 

Telling me you are going to beat me without showing any acts of kindness is not listening or thinking. Its abuse. 

In order to understand you i have to see your actions. Words are cheap. Actions are priceless.

I find it hard to believe that people do not follow through and act according their own words. I try to see the best in folks but I wonder if I ask too much of people. 

Here is a public service announcement.

If you want a sub remember as a dom its your responsibility to make sure she feels safe.

If she does not feel safe you know you did something wrong

If she is not enjoying what you offer..stop.

If you are told to stop this is a chance to make her feel better 

If you cant see that you did something wrong you are an abuser and not a dom.

If they say they are going to cherish you

They will

If they say they are going to hurt you

They will

He did

It hurts still

Sometimes we are listen with deaf ears that leads us into the dark. 

Today i am a shell. I have no emotions. I have nothing to give. No thoughts. Nothing

Im not trying.

This is not a pity me post.

As i reflect on my kinky self and how i get to that point of submission. Submission is an active choice for me and it means alot as it takes alot to put me in that position

It comes from deep in me. 

If i give it im an empty shell waiting to be filled. Yes. I want your cock to fill my holes

I want to feel it in my throat. I want to feel ypur hand print on my ass. I want to ache from your body pounding into mine. I want to dream that deep desire. I want to hear you surpress a moan as your cock enters my pussy. You grab hold of me and know just what i need,desire and deserve.

But its more than that.

You have to fill my mind with wonder and wit. You can only fill an empty space and so i have to become a shell for you.

A place you can inhabit. A space you call yours.

In this current climate im an empty shell

I care deeply

Yet I lost the ability to feel.

I cried for those kidnapped

Yet I lost the ability to feel.

My heart breaks for the loss of lives

Yet I lost the ability to feel.

I rage over the murders at the festival

Yet I lost the ability to feel.

I weep when i think of our soldiers

Yet i lost the ability to feel

Im an empty shell

On autopilot

I automatically react

When you ask me

I will come through

Im here

For you.

Ask me how i am

Ill recite platitudes

No emotion

No attitude.

Ill do

Therefore I am.

At what price

Ive not lived here long and yet i keep being asked why did i move here. Why did i leave a green and pleasant land for this one.

It just feels like home. Even now with all that is happening. Home.

Im not sentimental

I do not do nostalgia

Im rather down to earth and practical.

Yet

I got to thinking im here but at what price.

My sons will not be called to reserve duty as they were injured during active service

A price paid.

We have had many lone soldiers over our doorstep. A family away from parents. Its wonderful knowing them. 

But its been frought with tears and heartbreak. Two are dead. Two are on our borders. Two are waiting to be called. 

The price rises.

Life is priceless.

The value i place on each one is above rubies,pearls and diamonds.

Im priviledged to live among people who feel the same. 

We have seen what that means these past days.

Our collective grief and our collective anger and our collective fear will hold us together. 

Not me

But we. The coming together. Mutual support. These are the reasons i stay.