The Mind & Touch

I need to be constantly touched. Not sexually just physically. 

This gold nugget of a piece of me hit me right in the face today. 

If I am not touched, my body isn't apart of me. This is why I like the bruises and the roughness. Bruises last for a few days and are good reminders. Rough because I need to get back down to earth. 

When the chemistry is perfect, the rhythm insync with my partner, through sex, I am able to reconnect with myself. Charge my power and face the world. 

How I long for the day when I can live connected to myself on a daily basis, with someone who knows just what needs to be done. 

As I don't feel as free anywhere else to put this, I will document my journey here. 

Raised alone, with a mother who was so locked  up in the monster of her mind.  She thought she was doing the world a favor by raising me to be her 2.0. 

Sheltered, with no opinion of my own, no sense of self and a heart full of love that was forgotten about. Pure conditional love until I found an opinion about a pair of shoes. Its taken a long time to be greatful to and for her. I am not strong, but powerful and once I get out of my own damn way... Unstoppable. 

As I go through my journey of finally being able to get in touch with who I am it is both insane and the most natural thing being in the BDSM world. 

Watch out world ... Here I come. He he he 

Have you ever had a fantasy come flashing past your eyes while doing everyday life? 

It doesn't matter what I was in the middle of, suddenly this whole picture came into my mind. 

I saw myself surrounded by a whole bunch of men doing different things around a big mansion for me. What do I mean? There was a gardener, someone doing the dishes, someone cleaning the floors, someone tidying up, someone cleaning the windows, someone giving me a foot rub, where there was a job there was someone topless doing it. 

I've never really fantasized about this kind of thing let alone in groups, but what I can say is .that it felt nice

And we'll never be royals (royals)

It doesn't run in our blood

That kind of luxury just ain't for us, we crave a different kind of buzz

Let me be your ruler

You can call me queen bee

And baby I'll rule (I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule)

Let me live that fantasy

(ooh ooh ooh)

We're better than we've every dreamed

And I'm in love with being queen

(ooh ooh ooh)

Life is great without a care

We aren't caught up in your love affair

He is total freedom ⛓ ⛓ And she is total love ♥️ ♥️

Love found itself rejected by freedom

And freedom found itself imprisoned by love.

And love without freedom is attachment

And freedom without love is escape.

They drifted apart from each other, both looked for light out of their shadow and pain.

And also love and freedom felt lonely and they didn't feel accepted.

Because love is nothing without freedom

And freedom is nowhere without love.

But love has to dive deep into itself

And freedom needs to appear by itself.

✨✨✨

Remember the truth of who they are and connect to their sacred source

And instead of falling apart, they fall together.

Two souls with only one thought-

Two hearts that beat as one.

In unity.

Creator and connector. ✍️

Mike Herrigan. 

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.

I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true

I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you from the inside when everything else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.” 

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Looking at my large apartment while cleaning I thought to myself. Why the fuxk am I doing this? Why am I doing this alone? 

If there is one thing I have learnt is that anything that is a burden needs to be embraced and turned into an exciting experience. 

I am new to this new world. Its a bit like walking into a science musieum. I want to experience, play and touch everything. 

I want to control and be controlled