Demons

It's terrifying being a female in this generation. 

I took a break from men, relationships and pain. 

I didn't get close to anyone to protect myself. 

I fell a little and got the punch to my stomach and remembered why. 

The fum is not worth the pain I have after. The feelings I'm scared of, the confusion i ake. 

I'm going back... I'm a nun from now on. 

He lied so easily. 

He lied when he said he loved me, and he lied when he said he would treat me with compassion. 

He lied when he said he didn't mean to belittle me, and he lied when he said he would make it right. 

He lied, and lied, and lied. 

I fell for it all, because I chose to believe. 

I've shown my body more times than I've gotten flowers.

Thats funny because I love flowers but hate my body

I always feel like a burden, like I take to much space. Ask for too much, feel too much. I try to keep things to myself, to not be a problem, but it never seems to be enough.

I hate the feeling that people tolerate me, rather than truly want me around, and no matter how hard I try to shake it, that thought never really goes away.

They teamed up to go against me, just imagine how strong I have to be. 

When you can't get mad because you understand everyone's reason for doing everything, it feels like a blessing and a curse. You see the hurt behind their actions, the fears that drive them, and the struggles they hide.

But at the same time, it leaves you carrying the weight of emotions you can't express.

I know it won't happen for me, i feel it each day. 

But it still hurts when i see him picking a her over me, not knowing what i do wrong. 

You think you can hurt her feelings?

She stayed loyal to someone that didn't care about her,

was a gaslighting narcissist,

lied to her face every day,

ignored her feelings,

and made her out to be the toxic person.

. 

. 

. 

And then i found out he cheated. 

Why? 

God why? 

He's hurting me so much, by sending one message. 

I asked u not to, why?? 

You have zero consideration to my pain. All that matters is your dick and the fact that you feel a gentleman cause you said you dont want to hurt me. 

Please please listen to my aked heart and stop.