Demons

So I cut myself, scared "weak", 

I held myself a year and half this time. 

I never gave her safety, I never gave her stability. because safety and stability meant she could relax and pause.

A woman who feels safe might realize she doesn't need me.

So I kept her off balance, I've created chaos inside the entire relationship, created fights over nothing.

One day sweet the next day cruel, going back and forth so she stayed second guessing herself, stayed working stayed focused trying to work hard on fix herself, trying to figure out what version of me she'd get, never understanding never knowing.

And I controlled her by keeping her anxious because the last thing I needed and the last thing I wanted for her to feel steady enough to actually walk away from me.

The worst part inside this is I knew exactly what im doing, because I chose it, because a stable woman can't be manipulated.

But an anxious one stays locked in to a relationship much longer than what they want to be.

. 

. 

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U think he'll admit it? 

היה נחמד לחזור להרגיש אחרי הרבה זמן שלא הרגשתי. 

אך אתה לא מעוניין, זה שלך. 

מבאס

Just because I didnt love you the way you wanted me to, doesnt mean I didnt love you with everything i had.

I told you what hurts me most, and you did it perfectly. 

I have the most beautiful broken heart I've ever seen. 

~She said

I'm taking a break. I hope it'll hold forever this time. 

I love to cry, to break down in tears from your pain. I need to get to my edges, and then hurt me a little more. I want to hate you. I need to hate you. 

But after i want your love. I want a hug. 

I hated you, i didn't get the hug. 

I still hate you*. 

*עוד סאדיסט דמיקולו שהולך בלי אפטר קייר

I was your cure, but you chose the disease. 

It's terrifying being a female in this generation.