Demons

כואב לי. 

Dont ever judge my walls, they keep me alive.

נשבר לי הלב 💔❤️‍🩹💘

No one learns loneliness like the eldest daughter who knows she has to save herself. 

They say humans who end their own lives go to hell. 

But they were already there. 

I pray they found what every human deserves peace, rest & a place their pain cannot follow. 

The pain is when you don't know how to react anymore, so you just stare and question yourself about a lot of things. 

Sometimes suffering is just suffering.

It doesn't make you stronger.

It doesn't build character.

It only hurts. 

Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.

My demons have manners now. They bow when I enter. They know their place. I don't deny them, I direct them. That's what healing looks like when you've stopped trying to be holy and started trying to ne whole. 

I don't tame my demons anymore. I train them. They guard the gates I once left open. They know who's allowed close and who isn't. I don't pretend they're gone. I just stopped letting them run the show.

Im done

Again. 

I don't want him anymore. 

I'm nothing but a hole