המקום שלי

I write of my thoughts and fantasies
I write about what it feels to be me
I write of where I am and where I want to be

I draw the picture of who you are
I give you all you need
The ammunition to take my heart and not one of you can succeed

Beyond the feeling of being there
Beyond the pain and pleasure felt
There is more to this world that I have found
Its not about me giving in, its about getting the same from you on a common ground

I will never forget where I belong and will not walk away
But if you cannot give me all you have
There will never be a reason to stay

Some of us need the release, some just want to try
For some it is a way of life. I am none.

I go deeper, further to the core.
Without your love there is no way of life
Without your total surrender there is no release
Giving in is the sign of the greatest strength
I am a sub and I can
Show me a Master stronger than me

I settle for what I decide to be right, I settle for something close, but as long as I am settling, I am holding back

I don’t want to hold back!!

מה זה? למה הוא כלכך חשוב?
למה המקום הכי טוב לי הכי בטוח לי זה שם שאני יודעת שאני נתתי את כולי?
הוא לוקח, שומר, מעצב ,משתמש ואני...... מאושרת

הדרך עוד ארוכה אבל דרכי אני אמצא
יש אור בסוף המנהרה
מילה אחד ואני שלך

מתנצלת מראש לא מנסה להעליב
בקשו שאבהיר דרישותיי
וכמובן מה שכאן זה אך ורק דעתי

אם נעלבת כנראה אתה לא אדון או לפחות לא בשבילי ומתבקש לא לפנות אלי
לא מוכנה לברוח שוב אבל התעייפתי מהמשחקי האגו שלכם

ימים חולפים ואני עוד כאן
ממשיכה בין כל האנשים הבורים
זה שאתה עומד מאחורי מסך ונותן פקודה לא הופך אותך לאדון!!!!
ובטח לא לשלי

אל תצפה ממני להתחנן להיות שלך
אל תחשוב בגלל שאתה אומר שאני שלך אהיה
מי שלא מבין שהכוח ביד הנשלטת לא כלכך מבין בכלל
היא תתן אותה ורק מהרגע הזה אתה אדונה

מי שלא דורש מקבל
מי שמכבד מרוצה
ומי שמנסה להכיר יזכה

היתה לי הפריבילגיה להכיר אדון אמיתי
כבש אותי ללא חשש
גנטלמן אמיתי , אדון אמיתי
בזכותו נשאר התקווה
יש כאן אבל מעט
לי דרוש רק אחד

On my 21st birthday I had an interesting conversation with my brother's best friend
He came on to me, and me being the prudish indecisive tease I was, couldnt make up my mind.
My body has always been in conflict with my mind. Had I listened to my body I would have lost my virginity at the age of..... 😄 nevermind that is not the issue
The issue is that everything in life is divided into wants and needs. And even those can change at any given time

Think about it, man (as people in general) has three basic needs

* Food
* Sex
* Love

Many will disagree with me, but Freud seemed to have the same idea so I will stick with those three. Anything else is defined as a want.

Food is pretty simple, its the other two that make us all different
Why am I writing about this, well the truth is up until not so long ago, I thought it was that black and white.

BSDM....for some of us its the 4th need or is it? Yes it falls under sex, if you ask me it might even fall under love. But is it a need or just another want like money, material things and guilty pleasures?

Think about it, for a second, do you need it or want it? I know the answer or at least for me. But what divides people here in the community is that exact line. Those who want it (to experience something new, feel the adrenaline rush) and those who need it (to be complete). Need is not necessarily living it 24/7. Its part of the innerself that is only fulfilled, when in that most familiar place. For some it is to dominate for others its the need to make those who dominate stronger.

So why this long speech, because I have been asking myself this question and have finally found the answer......

אני יוצאת למסע של חיים
לחפש אותך
והיא בלתי מושגת
אולי איננה
כל השירים הם רק עליך
כותבים לי, מציירים את דמותך
באריכות של זמן ונצח,
אבל בסוף אמצא אותך

ואז אבוא, אבוא אליך
לבושה בשמלה לבנה
יחפה בכפות הרגליים
והעיניים מלאות אהבה
ואז אשיר לך שיר של פריחה
והלב יתרוקן מעצבות
ואתה תתענג מיופי
אדון שלי, כי נשארתי

אני רוצה לשאול שאלות
להבין את דרכו של עולם
אני נודדת בין טעויות
ללא כיוון, ללא שליטה
להיאחז במשהו
ואולי יש עוד סיכוי

My body dances to the rythmn of your voice
Your eyes approving my every move
I follow your lead as your music guides me.
This one dance I have so much to prove

Tinydancer on the floor, absorbed within the melody
In the corner the Master stands,
Come and have this Dance with me

Let the music take us over
Let our bodies intertwine
Your hands upon me like the beat of the drum
The pleasure and pain together become one

His choreography, becomes her style
The dance becomes her memory
Tinydancer on the dance floor
She lets her soul be free

Your music inspires me.........

Ok so so far there are 3 songs here and this will make it 4. This was one of the first songs that really got to me when first entering here........

Sometimes I can feel you breathing into me.
And these hands I can feel them tugging at my sleeve,
I move through the day in the rhythms that I've known.
I've got this crazy dream of stripping down to truth and bone.

All of it, all of it, all of it stripped down.

All of it, all of it, all of it, to truth and bone.

My mouth is full of secrets I'm too afraid to tell.
My body's full of longing for you to know me well.
I move through the day in the rhythms that I've known.
I've got this crazy dream of stripping down to truth and bone.

All of it, all of it, all of it stripped down
All of it, all of it, all of it, to truth and bone.

think of sinking in way over my shoulders,
let the water, the water take me in and I
need you to cut through to where I'm hidden,
I'm awkward and I'm too polite and I want
two stars for arms like orion I could
breathe in and breathe in and breathe out.
If I could only lose myself
I would lose myself in you,
I move through the day in the rhythms that I've known.
I've got this crazy dream of stripping down to truth and bone.

All of it, all of it, all of it stripped down
All of it, all of it, all of it, to truth and bone.

I kept my distance because you were with her
The truth is, you had me since that first phone call

I am not confused, and I know we tried our own paths
The truth is, I would give you it all.

You probably don’t see me that way, your mould I don’t fit
The truth is, to you I would completely submit

Its not the longing to lose control, its not just the void inside
The truth is, you see what I cannot hide

There is nothing that I regret
But the truth is, the taste of you I can't forget

Why is it that when bound and tied I am free?
I have tasted you, I have tasted freedom
I have come home

you were always the mysterious one / with dark eyes and careless hair / you were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care / then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say / besides some comment on the weather

well in case you failed to notice / in case you failed to see / this is my heart bleeding before you / this is me down on my knees

these foolish games are tearing me apart / your thoughtless words are breaking my heart / you're breaking my heart

you were always brilliant in the morning / smoking your cigarettes, talking over coffee / your philosophies on art, baroque moved you / you loved mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones / as i clumsily strummed my guitar

you'd teach me of honest things / things that were daring, things that were clean / things that knew what an honest dollar did mean / so i hid my soiled hands behind my back / somewhere along the line i must've gone off track with you / excuse me, think i've mistaken you for somebody else / somebody who gave a damn / somebody more like myself

these foolish games are tearing me apart / your thoughtless words are breaking my heart / you're breaking my heart

you took your coat off and stood in the rain / you were always crazy like that