המקום שלי

Its funny how I had this need to connect to the community, thinking it would help me understand myself better.
For a while it got easier, but there was his voice in the back of my head.
I have never really allowed myself to trust completely, not so soon anyway, I have always believed trust had to be earned. I should have stuck to my beliefs.

It seems the friends I thought I had, were the ones who were betraying me most of all…

I played along; with the one I knew was deceiving me, but I played along all the same even doing things (or pretending to) that I wouldn’t normally do. Maybe I was deceiving too, but I needed to be sure.

For the life of me, I never suspected to be betrayed by a friend who was so sincere (or so I thought). Men have betrayed me time and time again but I really trusted her. I guess the joke was on me

So I have had this break took some time away, and discovered some truths. I will come back stronger as I knew I would but less trusting (which I didn’t think possible). More cautious and true to myself. I know where I am going back too.

To the two of you…. Please leave me the hell alone. My friendship is an expensive gift neither of you can afford.

The cage is not for building friendships, and probably not the place to find what I need, but sexual desires will keep bringing me back.

My only hope is that I will lose this cynicism quickly.