לפני 13 שנים. 30 בספטמבר 2011 בשעה 5:04
It's no longer a case of "must." Must do, must see, must try -- I've tried a lot, I've seen even more, and I've done plenty. Not that there does not remain a threshold or two for me to encounter and cross. (And likely trip over.) It's more a question of filtering. Utilizing the knowledge I have gained by learning from my experiences.
I once had a great boss, who recounted to me that they knew what it was like to have a crap boss because they'd had so many -- but that he'd learned so much of what not to do from them, that he was now a better and more enriched manager. And so it was with my journey into the BDSM landscape.
Upon my initial entrance into the real-life version of the scene, I was rich in written and reading experience. I knew the basic rules, I had a good understanding of the concept of SSC, but there was so much I didn't know. Looking back, I worry for the then-me... needlessly, since the now-me is doing fine.
My first dominant taught me so much -- mostly about what is acceptable to me and what is not. He also taught me how much bullshit is out there, how the grossly over-inflated ego of the wannabe -- nay, thinks-he-is -- dom is a fragile and wobbly bubble that, when damaged, results in petulance, ire and wounded ego.
From him I learned that calling someone "Sir" is not within my remit. (Not without a ferocious giggling fit on my part, which generally can be counted on to spoil the mood somewhat.) I also learned that the importance of establishing boundaries prior to moving forward into any kind of connection is absolutely crucial. That communication -- a two-sided enterprise, else it's as wise as pissing into an oncoming wind -- is essential for survival, or else the relationship withers and dies. That diving in headfirst to a BDSM scene, with nothing but a safe-word for company and no prior discussion... red flag. Cue the little man in my head, trumpeting as though he were a foghorn: "Mistake! Reconsider! Retreat!"
Needless to say, I learned all these things because he was intent on behaving in every possible way that I loathed. We were not together long. In fact, the most important lesson that I learned from this man was that there is no one true way to be a sub. That presumptions along the lines of "but you must do *this* if you're a sub!" or "How can you not like that? You're a submissive!" contain as much crap as one might find on the Tnuva flagship farm. Everyone has their own level, and that it is important to find that level prior to jumping into something feet-first. What's good for me, may not be good for another -- which is fine, and right, and as it should be.
Such valuable lessons need only be learned once. Preferably so, in fact. And such lessons prove to be a springboard from which one can jump into the abyss of the unknown. And i do so knowingly, utilizing all the cliches I have amassed -- for what is a cliche if not the truth, repeated so frequently that it has no option but to become... well, a cliche. Forewarned is forearmed. Be prepared. Look before you leap. In other words, go into anything new with your eyes wide open, and a safe-call planned.
So now, lessons learned, and four years into the real-life scene, I have much experience and wisdom tucked under my belt. I embrace and welcome the new experience as though it were a special treasure. If I enjoy it, it becomes something I add to my list of "things I enjoy". If not, I chalk it up to experience and move on.
I know how lucky and fortunate I am. I deeply appreciate all that I have, and all whom I am fortunate enough to know. I cherish the old. I welcome the new. I greet each day with renewed vim and vigour. In this way, I know that when my last breath grows near, I can look back and say: "I lived".
