לפני 14 שנים. 19 בפברואר 2010 בשעה 6:08
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I peep at the world from behind my eyes.
Not that this is unique – that’s pretty much the sum of the architecture of the facial anatomy.
Eyes in face. Soul looks out.
Sometimes — not always but occasionally — it is more than that.
I feel like some small sentient being. Hiding inside my skull, cradling my feelings, desires and needs to me as I curl my emotions into a foetal ball. Ducking away from the glare of the light, even as I twist to peer out wonderingly through the holes in my head.
Hiding from the world, but not all of me. I peer, therefore, I still connect — or wish to. Or cannot bear not to.
Conscious-stream, emanating from behind the eyes. The world-weary tiredness that propels me inward.
Not far enough to make it a permanent cut — the cruellest stroke of all I could and would not do. It is (don’t you think?) the ultimate act of selfishness. Possessed as I am of a long-ingrained horror of being perceived as or as actually being selfish, it is something I cannot even consider.
But there are times when I wish I could retreat, snail-like.
And peep at the world from behind my eyes.
