לפני 13 שנים. 4 בנובמבר 2011 בשעה 15:48
There are ways in which it is better to attempt to communicate, and others in which it would be wiser to call it quits even before you start.
This goes for all communication, although the ways differ depending upon the medium. For example, when speaking with a person directly and face to face, screaming at the tops of your lungs is only acceptable if you are in a club-type setting. Anywhere or any time else, and screaming is hostile and unpleasant -- not to mention unlikely to get you laid. Which, let's face it, with the possible exception of business negotiations (and i say "possible" with my tongue firmly implanted in my cheek) is the required result of most discussions, directly or otherwise.
However, in this particular discussion, i would like to focus primarily on the range of online communication methodologies. Whether it be via email, chat or status message, there's a certain etiquette that should be followed, of basic and simple fucking good manners.
[And I do not mean the manners one exhibits while actually engaged in the act of fucking -- vanilla or otherwise.]
Don't get me wrong, the bad behaviour so often exhibited online is not confined to the BDSM arena. However, this blog being what and where it is, allow me to indulge myself, and concentrate on the Doms and subs who would, do, have and will approach(ed) me, with a few tips.
It does not matter to me how you describe yourself. Switch, Dom, Master*, slave, Top -- whatever. First and foremost, I want to meet a person. Only then, when we have established that we like each other as people, can we proceed to who holds what role, and when. (And where.)
Speak to me as you would speak to somebody who you just met, for that is exactly what I am to you. Introduce yourself, so that I know with whom I am dealing. I'm not asking for information which, by imparting it, would make you feel uncomfortable. I don't need to know your home address or your bank account number. Just an inkling as to who it is I'm entering into *something* with, and what you're like. If we can't establish communication that makes me feel good at this level, nothing else is EVER going to happen. Trust me on that one.
Once we have held the exploratory first conversation, whether it be held via chat, email or whatever, ensure that you follow up. I don't deny my own responsibility in the back and forth nature of a two-way conversation, but I make a point of ensuring that I don't do what I'm asking you not to do. Don't duck out or disappear on me. It's one thing if the conversation has run it's course, but another entirely if a message goes unanswered.
If you're trying to use leadership skills on me, forget it now. I'm blonde, but I'm not stupid. I'll see it, recognise it for what it is, and call it. Attraction, as a principle, is either mutual or it isn't, but don't fanny around playing silly buggers just to show what a domly dom you are. This does not impress me, and will earn you a swift trip to the Land Where One Does Not Get Any. One-way ticket.
Be a mensch. Be a "ben-adam". Act like a human being. Remember -- respect is earned, not granted automatically by allocating yourself a nickname that includes "Dom", Master" or "Your". Same for the subs and slaves -- let me know you and respect you enough to so that you feel you can trust me -- and then start offering to lick my boots -- not before. Otherwise, you simply pass on to me that you don't care who I am as long as you can worship me -- so why would I let you worship me since you're clearly doing nothing of the sort.
I'm not asking for a lot here, just basic consideration and forethought. Communication is the key. Let a person know that the tree which falls in the forest actually does make a sound.
It's basic etiquette, which in turn is a basic expectation.
No?
* It is my considered opinion that one can only be the Master of someone else. Ergo, calling oneself master when one is alone is anathema, and can be best summed up by the use of the word "bollocks". You're not a master until you have a slave/sub willing to allow you to be hers or his. I rarely, if ever, respond to anyone with such a nickname. Just so you know.