I just came back from a ride on my bike along the pier. It is a sunny day here. This ride gave me the time to think about my sudden predicament. It was really quiet by the sea. All I could hear was the cries of the seagulls. There was a light breeze and I could see the harbor in the distance.
There is no hesitation, none whatsoever. There was never a choice really, not after I put a name to it. Middle-class BDSM you called it? Perhaps. I, being disgustingly snobbish, call it the Fortensky choice. I cannot go back to it without feeling ashamed. Besides, Taylor was a has-been, whereas I am a will-be.
I know that this is the right choice, because as I was reading the words, my genitals opened and closed momentarily, like a thirsty flower. My body always likes to interfere and tell me what the right choices are. I usually listen to it. If the choice is not the right one, I will simply get hurt once again.
An important part of pleasure is to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality. I don’t know if I will fit in your dreams, but I do know this: when we have danced with the devil in the moonlight, it is hard to return to the usual run-of-the-mill activities, such as a tumble in the hay with a Daddy Dom.
My description as an empty box is not the sad story of a woman who suddenly finds herself without an Owner. It is a rather funny story, as I receive daily hundreds of messages, but if these people are potential owners, then I am an astronaut.
Most people have their lives, their desires, their plans. I need someone to fill the emptiness, because I do not know how to do it on my own. I could fill it with anything and it would most definitely be a bad choice. Even if it were not so bad, I don’t think that I would be able to withstand its burden. When asked, “D, what do you want?” I have two standard answers, which I give interchangeably, since they are basically the same: “I don’t know”, or “I want everything and I want it now.”
The Master is called upon to handle an immense freedom. He is someone who is not afraid of chaos. He can give it whatever form he wants. The slave is pure energy with no direction. It is a sea – a sea that dreams of becoming a river…
I have been struggling with myself for a long time now. I know many things about me, perhaps more than I would like to know. Most people do not have these grand conversations with their shadow. It is not the easiest thing in the world, because our shadow carries these unbearable truths, which are softened a bit by the fairy tales we make during the day. Yet the fairy tales are all lies. Our shadow sings to a different tune.
I will tell you something and I would like you to forget it immediately afterwards. I am not interested in anything else about you apart from your shadow. Your good elements are there only in order to make the shadow viable. I have no use for them whatsoever. Of course, if they were not there, the shadow would never come to life. We would remain two people who are simply dreaming.