All my life i have been alone. Of course I still am. I am used to doing everything by myself. Especially to suffer and to endure pain.
I am not good with physical pain. I don't have a subspace or know how to release myself from it.
But lately i have discovered the joy of sharing.
I let the pain go through me someone else. Like an electric wire. Feel the current enter me in one point and leave me in another.
I have always revelled in the expressions of anguish I inflict. The look of suffering and hopelessness in their eyes exhilerates me... Makes me feel alive.
Sharing the pain inflicted upon me- fowarding it as if i am only part of the chain and not a traget myself - sends the blood rushing even higher. I cannot explain even to myself the rush i get...
Finding myself in a never-ending circle of physical pain.Receiving and returning and recycling the pain.... For a blissful moment I am not alone. I feel the true meaning of sharing. Linked together by pain.... It is a strong bond. And for a fleeting moment it lasts an eternity...
