התמכרות

ASSENDANCE PATH
A gentle frightened couple of knocks on the door is all i managed. With every knock a new feeling arised. One of fear, a second of hesitating. and the last appeared to be a knock, but it was a strike hit my humble and confused heart with undefined excitement.
The door slowly cracked open, unlike my heart the beats of which raced to drop. And they played a melody of war, So beautiful. I was well informed that behind that door lies another storm that is yet to hit. It was in that mixed-feelings' moment, that i got dragged inside, unsure if i even moved my feet, but i found myself inside.
My body was shivering. "Shalom, malkati" i remember saying. In fact that is all i could remember of what happened from the point i stepped inside, until my release, or perhaps my capture? Im not even sure. It was that soft gentle surface which touched my face and pressed my head down to the floor that woke me. Before i knew it i was chained to my neck, a soft foot full of strength above my cheek, and order started taking over and organized my lost feelings. "Kadima, khamood" i heard. And i was pulled by the chains across the long narrow hall way. It was so long i got dragged past many locked door. There was a point where even the lamp light at the enterance could'nt reach me. And the darker it got, the safer i felt. She unlocked the door, and after both of us were in she locked it behind us.
She pulled my hair and stood me up, smiled at me and covered my eyes with the black leathery eye covers. I could'nt see but nothing could cover what i felt. The scary part is that it all was perfectly perfect. The big cold chains wrapped around my arms and legs, somehow she found it to be hot. Everything was mixed as if a masterpiece is being drawn. The shakier my body was the more excited i got. The darker it got the safer i felt. The quiter it was the more i could hear. The chains were the loudest, i heard the drawer open. Surely she toke a few things out. I didnt give it that much attention because i knew at this point that i will know it all in time. She was always quite and so i was required to be. This served me well giving the fact that i was too shy to even ask for mercy. I heard the sound of a spank, a sound that my experienced ears cannot mistake. And i knew that the silence is about to break, and the storm is hitting. And time after time i stood their, waiting for it, deep down even begging for the pain to hit me. There was no other way for me to quinch my feelings. But no matter how many times i went down this way. My feelings were never quinched, and my feet were never able to carry me until the end.