Short version:
Because I’m fucked up.
The Long version:
I actively use Russian, English and Hebrew in my life. At times in the same sentence, but more about that later.
Russian
My mother tongue is Russian. I came here, 13 years of age from the land of the dying USSR. I enjoy reading in Russian the most. Your native language is the only one you truly understand. With all the nuances and the emotional responses. For example, words that I consider vulgar in Russian, I use much freely in Hebrew and English. Mainly, because I lack the same level of “feeling” for the language, as I do in Russian.
English
English has entered my life with the “quest” computer games and the IRC chat rooms somewhere around 1994. Later on, I became a full-blown computer professional and spent all my time with computers in the Hi-Tech industry. All the written communication, in all the companies I worked for, was in English. It created this weird reality for me, where you write in English, but speak in Hebrew.
Hebrew
As the quote from the Pulp Fiction goes: “Hebrew, motherfucker, do you speak it?”
I actually do! That’s the writing I’m having problems with.
From the high school, through the army, the university and the workplace, I speak Hebrew quite well. I just did not have many chances to practice my writing. It started with most of my friends being “russians”. So, using Russian was easier for everybody. Now, all my friends know English and don’t mind me using it when writing to them.
The Mess
I speak Russian with my family. Would read a science fiction book in Russian to enjoy it.
Write and read a lot (mostly technical stuff) in English. Speak to my foreign friends occasionally.
Speak Hebrew with my friends and coworkers. Read/Write Hebrew only when I have to.
Small FuckUp
Actively using (and thinking in) different languages messes with your brain neuro-paths. When I’m speaking with someone, my mind would fetch the word from the fastest path, without considering the language. For example, when I speak with my wife, who also knows the same languages, it happens a lot that all 3 of them are getting used. I don’t like it very much, but it’s a tradeoff between spending the time recalling the word and continuing the conversation.
Big FuckUp
It’s embarrassing to admit, but after living here for almost 30 years, I speak Hebrew - well. I read Hebrew, but it’s slow and unpleasant for me. I can’t really write Hebrew without relying heavily on a spell-checker or my wife.
It’s time for me to do something about it. So, when I write someone a message, I’m forcing myself to use Hebrew. The same goes for comments and whatnot. But, writing a blog post is different. I want to write it as it comes into my head. It doesn’t work the same, when I need to stop and check the spelling every 3rd word or so.
I’m not 100% sure writing in English is the right call. Maybe I should bite the bullet and switch to Hebrew here as well. Time will tell.
