המתת השור

פורסם לפני 40 ימים ב - 20 בספטמבר, 2006
the pain brings it the past for a moment and tares it into pieces like in the jaws of a tiger I am completely in the instant now, under His hand, wondering what will be the next step, when he will stop, ? but I don't stop. I don't want anything. I am powerless and immobilized. I am an added entity of ackes and helplessness, even forgetting the doubts now; a bull cornered, exhausted, beaten, vanquished, surrendered...he has added the last instrument of ownership on my breasts and the chains on the nipples are hurting so much...I cry, I moan, i beg....but I don't stop. do you remember Carmen when she is going to be given the coup de grace, her eyes full of despair but calm and accepting the judgement knife? that was me at that moment. .
My eyes are half closed at moment. I am waiting for his last gesture : deliverance or execution but i hear his voice in my calm defeat and i follow his voice...when he utters one of the most beautful sentence intended for a woman...
"Baby, now, you are so beautiful" says he when he sits up and looks at me, on all four, on the sofa, with the ropes penetrating the flesh, the chains on the nipple creating this metal rings and my hair tied upwards. my mouth open cannot contain the saliva...I dribble like a wounded bull, when they are taken last by the sword....but I am not even furious...all feelings are fleeting away from me but this feeling of surrendering. Resistance is now a word belonging to the past.

He will take me at that stage...brutally, sexually, doggy style...I don't even enjoy the penetration of his too wide penis... I am his beast of satisfaction. i ask for no more, not love, not tenderness...relief... I am clean of willingness, expectations, wants and wims...he has mastered me through pain and surprise, escalation and relief, caress and hits of the cane, emprisonning me in a cage of restricting sensations, filled within my self, filled by him, narrow like a virgin, again, a 17 year old.