Sweet surrender

I am a follower. I always have been. Maybe it's the sub in me or maybe it's my lack of balls and charm.
I always had a burning desire to belong, to have an identity. When I was just shy of the ripe old age of 13, I followed. My first. He of course was older , close to 18. I didn't think at all about repect. Respect of my youth, respect of my innocence, respect of me. I just followed.
His name was Neil. Ironic. I kneeled quite a bit to Neil, espesially his cock.
He was also a mentor, guru, teacher in a way.
He actually taught me quite a few of the lessons that would carry me through wild, curving, paths on my journey in this life.
He taught me how to get high. He provided me with colorfull pills to swallow. He mentored me in the art of fucking, licking, blowing, and hand jobs. He once took me on a trip. Real far away, to the moon and back. It was pretty scary. I thought that I was going to lose my mind. Of course the pilot on this frenzied trip was a hit of acid. I didn't think I would ever land.
I was a good pupil to Neil. I'll do anything you want, just let me belong to you.
Neil and I didn't last . I started to get too old for him I guess. I started to ask questions. So I got booted out, and made room for the next little girl in line.
I heard a few years later that Neil, was sent to jail and was doing time. Drugs of course. Justice was done. The legal system did it's job. The only problom is that he never had his day in court with me. I would love to see Neil now, 25 years later, that is if he's still alive. I wouldn't harm him, I wouldn't injure him. I would just tell him of the the sad little girl, that soo wanted to belong and be loved. The same girl that he took on for mentoring. I would share the snowball effect of what had happened to me the years after. I would look him in the eye, and stare into his soul. Maybe I would leave some kind of impression there.
Maybe he would understand that he had the power to change lives. He would perhaps feel stronger, but I would as well.
I will always follow. I always have.
It's the way that I am, and in all truth the way that I choose to be.
Now I know that it all depends on the leader.