Sweet surrender

After more than two years I finally understand.
After more than two years I faced my worst fears.
After more than two years I smiled at my demons.
And why did it take so long? Because I allowing myself to be controled by non excisting ghosts.
Now I have processed all the data. It played a big part in my life.
I feel and see that they don't serve any real purpose in life anymore.
They will always lurk in the shadows, but now I know that they hurt me and steal from me what is real, what was always soo very real.
I fucked myself over these last two years. It's a time in life that will never be replaced. I didn't live the full experience.
And yet with all that I held back from myself, it was still the best two years of my life. It was paradise. And all because of you dear Master.
No more!
I'm on the edge of the cliff now and my arms are open wide. I'm ready to take the leap, and fall into the unknown, into the abyss.
I feel it in every fiber of my being, that the darkness is where I will find light.
That the unknown will bring me security.
That if I fall hard you will be there to pick me up and show me the way and shine the light for me.
For you Master, and you alone I stand now on the edge of the cliff ready to fly higher than I ever imangined.
No more ropes tying me to my fears. No more control over my emotions. No more letting another day go by with out acknowledging how blessed I am to have met you and have in my life and me in yours.
It took over two years, but finally I have released.