Sweet surrender

I have an allergy. It's to big, over bearing, sweating, slobering , middle aged men.
I was infected with allergy between the ages of 14 -15 and a half.
My boyfriend and the time found a easy way to make money to support his drug habbit and mine.
All I had to do was close my eyes and obey. And I did.
Sometimes I would peek. I would do it to assure myself that it wasn't a dream, or nightmare.
I never did manage to block out the crushing weight on top of me, or the drops of sweat falling off of them and on to me. And the smell! There's nothing worse than having to go down on some slob who's dick smells like a urinal, and fumes from his daily shit that wasn't given a good wipe.
My allergy still flares up from time to time. I still keep my eyes shut, so I don't have to see. I still peek to make sure it's not a dream.
I still need to feel crushing weight on top of me from time to time, just so I won't forget my youth.
Smells of men are always repulsive to me. I have found a way to conquer that one , but only with the chosen few. The rest just stink to me.
Lately, I keep having thought of being in that place again. But this time I call the shots.
This time it would be my choice, not like back then.
Thanks for the memories Ian.