Sweet surrender

365 days ago you left us all for good.
You slipped away in your sleep and the suffering came to a halt.
For the last 365 days there hasn't been a day that passed that I didn't talk to you.
I trained myself to hear you through my heart and not my ears.
I needed you more than ever these past 365 days, but met you only in my dreams.
The impact that you made in all our lives changed us forever.
The void and yearning, doesn't go away.
Why did it have to be someone like you who paid the price that saints pay?
Couldn't have been someone who never left their mark on so many lives?
You have no idea what I would give for one last bear hug from you.
Your frail broken body was a fortress of protection to me for so many years.
My fortress was defeated in the wretched battle and sucumbed to the enemy.
It just doesn't seem fair. We had so many plans that will never be fulfilled.
I need to be nice to the new bitch and make her feel welcome so that Y. will have a bit of joy in his life.
I don't like her, and I don't like Y. being so happy so soon.
Are me and the gang the only ones who were grieving you for the last 365 days?
For christ's sake you flaked out on me , when I really needed you.
It took me years to come to you for help and by the time I did you weren't able to even help yourself.
I'm hurt, I'm selfish, and I'm hurt by my selfishness.
I always thought that death put a boundery between the the two sides, but you implanted yourself so deep in our hearts and souls that you'll always be here with us.
I hope and pray that you're resting in peace and that the last 365 days passed better for you than than it did for us down here.