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I watched my vanilla husband tie some valuable to the roof of a car
Hes so skilled with tieing
He creates such good knots
He knows i love rope
Yet
Hes vanilla
Or
Do you want to own me
Seriously,
There is a huge difference
What does it take to actually own someone
Part of me says that if you can fuck me with deep passionate wild intent you are part way there
Is it enough?
I mean if the chemistry is right I will want to have those intense deep moments
Ill do anything to get that
Ill open myself to you.
But will i really open myself?
There has to be more
I know i need more
Its easy to ask to be fucked
But the more
Has to be offered
Is when daddy is balls deep in my pussy and spanking my ass
At my age you think I am beyond control
Well those hormones still control me
Im crying for no reason other than the monthly madness that makes me bark at the moon
You would think that dating me you would not hear those words that mean no sex
However
I do believe that for the other 25 days a month im a horny bitch who squirts at your touch
Cest la vie
Or cest la hormones
Poor Daddy. He waits so patiently for his little girl and now shes a teary mess.
Then it hit me
It dawned on me
I want to revel in being controlled
I muat give in to it. Accept it. Enjoy it.
Ive been looking to find my innocence.
The innocence I never had. Being vulnerable and raw and sweet and showing this side of me and letting him take care of the sad little girl that lives inside me.
Shes off to bed with sweet mint tea, a good book and a box of tissues.
Disclaimer: We generally dont discuss our secondary relationships other than saying where we are.
My husband mentioned that his mistress said I changed my plans to stop him seeing her. If he mentioned that I know it bothered him. I can honestly say I change plans because other things happen.
He knows my plans change because family, work, and life are my priority.
I pushed, cajoled and encouraged my husband to have a secondary relationship.
Why?
Apart from having fun I wanted her to show him affection. I wanted her to make him feel good. I wanted her to love him. Yes this is an open marriage and she knew that from the start.
Does he get love from me?
Yes. But the love I give has been going on in abundance for over 30 years. This love i give is reciprocated. We have ups and downs. Our life is beautiful and chaotic. I mean we live here in this beautiful and chaotic land. Its not exactly easy to date in the current climate.
I do not think the same way as many people. My feelings are compartmentalised. Sex and love can be enjoyed separately. If I fall in love its an experience you wont forget. It takes alot to make me fall in love. If i love you I will tell you. I dont need or want or expect it returned. I love because I want to give. I forget that other people see it in a different way.
I know he likes her. I know he might even love her. Its ok. Its great.
I truth I forgot her feelings.
She has them.
I knew she would want to love him.
Love messes with the mind like all human emotions.
Its messed with hers.
I am sorry.
If I read your blog or I read your profile it helps me improve my hebrew. I do enjoy your kinky musings. Sometimes it intrigues me. Sometimes it repluses me. Other times it resonates with something in my soul. I might even send you a message as I like connecting with kinky souls. "I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things." You may be all or none of those things...i may be all or some of those things either way I like interesting.
I may misunderstand or misread your words but you put them out there in all there glory for the reader to consume. I am extra hampered here as I have lived here for a small portion of my life...so apologies for any offence caused by my mistranslation.
One idea i picked up is that of what we are all hoping for when we share our thoughts, hopes or experiences. Are we mismatching or are we connecting or are we speaking to the void?
Are we looking for relationships...or sex...or communication...and what are we offering...are we giving.
My travels in BDSM are extensive and yet i feel there is an ever expanding universe for me to explore.
I can talk and listen to anything and everything. I know I have limits as to what i can do, will do and what I am able to do.
Im in an open marriage so my time is certainly limited.
Can I be in a relationship
What sort of relationship
Is a BDSM relationship sexual or romantic?
The sexual part is key. The boundaries are set, they can be pushed. To get them pushed there has to be trust. To raise the sexual stakes emotional trust needs to be formed.
This is where the blurring begins (in my opinion which is born out of my experience)
I can, do and have enjoyed some mindblowing sex, sexual experiences and sexual encounters.
But nothing compares to giving yourself to someone
Letting someone take control of your sexuality, your nature. I will learn his ways and serve him.
How do you build trust to get to that glorious peak
There has to be emotional connection
If so...is it romance?
Ive been found
Daddy found me
He knew
Im kind
Im good
Im sweet
Yet
Daddy knows what his little girl needs
Its not always good
A little spicy
Yet
This little girl needs
What Daddy breeds
Well it is
I always thought i was a cock sucking cumslut
A pain slut
Turns out Im more
Turns out she was hiding in me
He found her
Daddy found the little girl
I write to gain clarity.
Pain
Pleasure
All in between
Yet I feel
Nothing.
I write to escape
Pain to give
Pain to recieve
Each strike sends me
Closer
To the oblivion
Of
Nothing.
I write to express
My pain
My desire
Yet
I have none
I want to curl up
Cry
The words of silence
Ive been here for 10 years
Well the world has changed
I have changed
My family has changed
It got bigger, better and beautiful
But how
I had an identity ... I was the jewish girl
Now Im the British girl
Guess what
Im still the kinky girl
