I miss you
Its been so long and only now I’m starting to
Only now that the memory of you is starting to fade I can’t stop thinking of you.
I never understood how I forgot so quickly such a huge part of my life.
You were there for a third of it.
8 long years you were by my side and I was by yours.
We promised to always be there for each other.
We promised through thick and through thin…
We swore in front of our friends and family that we were forever, for better or for worse.
And now the memory of you is fading.. only now I’m starting to miss you
I’m starting to miss the touch of your skin
The sound of your voice…
I miss the happy things
I miss the goofy things
I miss you calling me nicknames in public and not caring what others think.
I miss you chasing me around the house trying to catch me to lick my nose. You knew I hated it so much it would make me laugh…
I miss our long evenings laying on the living room carpet listening to lofi music talking about our fears and dreams and playing tug war with the dog.
I miss holding’s your hand in public, making sure that everyone knew that I was one of the lucky ones that I found you
Its been a few months already and I know you’re starting to move on.
I know it was harder for you than it was for me at first, and I know you were heartbroken seeing how fast I moved on and seeing how easy it was for me at the time.
But I didn’t move on from you, I moved on from me.
I never wanted to give up on you, on us.
but you were too fearful, and I was too fearless…
I wanted to travel the world, experience and learn.
You wanted to settle down and make a family.
I wanted you to be a part of this journey of mine, I wanted you to see how much I’ve grown and all that I’ve learned.
I wanted you to be proud of me.
You wanted me all to yourself
and I didn’t know myself to give you me.
I didn’t know who I was without you.
I wanted to experience myself with people who weren’t you.
I wanted to experience myself with only me.
I see cute animated instagram videos of little bubble figures showing their affection towards one another, the one’s that get an instant “aaaaww” response,
and I can’t help but think… I used to have that. We used to BE that…
How did I give up on it so soon? How did you give up on it so fast?!
The divorce was final within 3 weeks only! You couldn’t wait to get me out of your life… that hurt.
…
At times like these I need to remind myself all that I’ve learned the past few months,
all that I’ve become
And all that I have to become.
Maybe at the end it will be worth it.