It was the most annoying thing to learn that I disassociate. For all my life, until Feb 2023, when my eyes of my eyes opened and I realized that I had lived in a disassociated reality fog all my life.
It mainly looks like procrastination, running away from perceived problems, completely throwing caution to the wind. Basically I'm a child. Simple things that shouldn't be problematic to do are, not technically, emotionally. This includes all the following: paying bills, shopping, eating regularly, sleeping regularly, leaving the house, taking the bus. Fuxk it's like having dementia at the age of 40!
The hardest part of all of this is, that I'm a strong, seemingly independent woman on the outside, however, on the inside, only the regulatory of breathing, and the miracle of my body working, I'm complete jelly.
I will take a life of disassociation, free of the worry of the outside world. Where I know I'm safe, loved, and cared for.
I'm an unbounded wild child that needs security of never being able to float away... Because I have an anchor, and a short leash.
https://open.spotify.com/track/7xOB82ELg70RoIM3mMTkt4?si=5X5-h-ZqTB6IdG96Wn_B1A