Demons

I don't know how to do it. 

I don't. 

I'm confused. 

What ever I do goes wrong, and when I don't do anything it still goes wrong. 

I'm tired. 

I need you ♡ 

I really really need you. 

I want your hug. 

I want your pain. 

I need to be at your feet to feel home. 

I need you, I'm in pain. 

But... 

Your not here 🥺

I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling.

All I know is that everything hurts.

My heart feels so heavy, and all I want to do is cry.

I want to feel okay again, but i don't even know what that feels like anymore.

I know I'm getting over him even though he didn't leave. 

It's easier to let him go after. 

And I'll gain the pain twice. 

Just stupid me. Who accidentally believed I can be without loving. 

I hate myself. So much

I hate my past

I hate im the eldest

I hate im innocent

I hate that I believe

I just hate myself. 

And wish i knew how to play the game. 

But i don't.

The only one to blame is me. 

I don't have a problem with him seeing other girls. 

I have a problem when he chose another girl over me. 

Don't rain check and go meet her. 

All I wanted was sex. 

I lost again. 

I lost. 

Being sensitive is so embarrassing.

Like how am I supposed to tell you I'm upset just because your energy felt a little off and it made me feel unwanted. 

I'm in pain, and not the fun kind. 

I hate my demons sometimes. 

I'm waiting for him to hurt me or leave, and he's not. 

I hate him for it. 

I'm a fool i thought I was broken and injured enough not to fall for him. 

I guess there's more down to go. 

 I hate myself. I wish I didn't feel.