Demons

Of course I can do it alone. I always do.

I've learned how to carry groceries, pain, memories, solitude sometimes all at once.

I've gotten good at solving puzzles most never even knew existed.

I answer my own questions, fight my own doubts, and cheer myself on when the silence is too loud.

People say "you're so strong" like it's a gift, not something I've built brick by brick when no one showed up.

So yes, I can do it alone. I just wish I didn't have to.

I ignore a lot of shit because I don't like any drama but let me make one thing clear...

I fear no motherfucker.

I lost myself. 

I don't enjoy anything anymore. 

I don't want to see people. 

I don't want pain. 

I'm a sub for at least 15 years, haven't tried any relationship outside of bdsm. 

I found out today, I dont know anything or all I've known is not correct. 

Im not confused anymore. 

Im embracing the fact that im not in the right place, and im not looking for the wrong anymore. 

Every scar on my body is a time my skin couldn't protect me. Each one tells a story of damage my body couldn't undo.

Doesn't matter how much my brain knows and understands. 

My heart refuses to believe it. 

It just gives more pain, confusion and false hope. 

I hope the recognition will fall in soon. 

Someone asked me "How are you so calm, like nothing bothers you? "

I replied 'because everything I was afraid of happening.... Happened. 

אז קיבלתי מנוי חינם לחודש. 

איזה תמונות להעלות? 

I cut your name. 

To remind myself the pain. 

The power of this pain. 

I don't want to forget. 

You proved me i am right. 

I'm better on my own. 

Punishing me with silent, just taught me to be without you. 

I can do whatever a man can do anyway. 

I lied to my family im in a relationship. 

Its easier then telling them I gave up. 

It's easier for me to remind myself i don't want anyone. 

Next stop is pills that shut down my horny.