חמוד כושל ומבשל

sweet words sweet thoughts
could she handle me? yeah?
I couldn't even handle myself...
my own useless emotions
that unexplainable rage towards a world I never intended to settle down on
I keep feeling disgust and convincing myself not to feel anything
But I end up just as angry at myself for not being confrontational
I can't stop wondering when did all the fluctuations come from?
I see fully-awaken nightmares since ever
but I convinced myself even if the monsters should be real and they'd eat me it's not so bad to die it's still part of that great mysterious soul journey
(there's nothing to lose cause there was nothing I ever had)
I could not say my first encounters with femdom weren't nightmares as well
right now I think maybe my hormones are fucked up or something
cause emotional balance is like a grim joke to me
it's just too far to even dream about
and with all my obsessions with consistency and accuracy it's still not enough for me to create the illusion of a single person
can't even lie to myself..
I don't feel right. rather agitated
and tired of calming myself down in a temporary manner