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So I attended my first BDSM munch this past Tuesday night.

And how was it, you ask.

Well, basically, it was a low-key dinner held in a vanilla setting, where kinksters -- dressed in "civilian" -- could get together and talk.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "What's this 'talk' of which you speak?"

Yes, it's a revolutionary concept -- no deafening music, no unwanted advances, no over-the-top posturing, just a bunch of friendly perverts sharing good food and conversation.

At the munch, I met a newbie to the scene, and we made plans to go to Maxim the following Thursday night. There, I introduced him to friends and acquaintances.

He seemed to have a good time, finishing up the night in the arms of a delicious young domme.

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For some reason, I have yet to hear this song at an Israeli BDSM party.

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The kinky reading project continues …

Up for review is the Marquis de Sade’s “The Mystified Magistrate.”

Now, this short story makes me wish that I knew more about French literature, especially that of the pre-revolutionary period. De Sade’s tale not only contains a farcical plot, it also ends with a weird (by our standards), elitist amoral-moral. I know, confusing. You’ll see what I mean by this in a second. Here is “The Mystified Magistrate” in a nutshell:

One day, the Baron de Teroze decides that his beautiful daughter should marry an ugly, old ignoramus of a judge. No one can persuade the father to change his mind. So the young lady, her lover, sister, brother-in-law and his confederates conspire – through a series of farfetched ruses and smarting pranks – to drive away the country magistrate.

Lest any reader feel sorry for the rejected suitor, de Sade tells us that the old man is a hypocritical moral crusader with a fondness for sending people to the gallows. In fact, when the lady’s aristocratic crew is not busy poisoning him, gluing his bottom to a toilet seat or pretending to be lash-wielding ghosts, they are lecturing him on *his* cruelty.

However, de Sade fails to convince us that his young aristocrats really care about justice. For example, they condemn the magistrate for exiling a young nobleman who assaulted a prostitute. Then, at the tale’s end, the confounded and defeated judge – a mere commoner, we are reminded – is mocked for trying to marry into a “superior” family.

Ultimately, I think, the story is a revenge fantasy for de Sade. After all, the author did have several scrapes with the law (usually involving outrages against prostitutes), and being a nobleman and ex-cavalry officer, he most likely felt that his crimes should have been swept under the proverbial rug by the ancien regime.

< div align="left" dir="ltr" >Be gentle with me, dear readers, but I have a confession to make: I have read none of the Marquis de Sade’s obscenely famous (and famously obscene) works.

I know, I know. It’s really quite shameful.

To correct this sorry state of affairs, I have recently purchased a collection of four short stories by the marquis. And, with your indulgence, I would like to share with you my thoughts about the tales.

Think of it as a virtual book club – except all the participants are wearing leather underwear.

The first tale for review is “Augustine de Villeblanche, or Love’s Stratagem.” In it, a young man named Franville seduces Augustine, a cross-dressing lesbian who, in turn, seeks to catch naive, straight women unawares.

The hero of the story accomplishes this feat by pretending to be a crossing-dressing homosexual hunting for straight men. Franville then feigns disappointment when, at a costume ball, Augustine is revealed to be a woman.

Franville seduces Augustine by letting her seduce him. Why would she even try such a thing? Because he wants nothing to do with her, and it hurts her pride.

Observations:

* There are no whips or manacles in the story!

* But de Sade’s cruelty is present: Franville attempts to pass as a convincing woman by pairing up at the ball with his homely sister.

* The tale also contains an allegory, I think, about the disappointment straight men and women find in each other.

* Augustine voices a strong defense of homosexuality: It does not offend nature; pleasure and procreation need not go together; only fools mock those who are different.

The only thing that threw me off was the moralistic ending. Franville confesses his ruse, and Augustine repents her vain, unnatural pursuits.

WTF!?

I mean, wouldn’t it have been more in keeping with the general cynicism of the story if they just married and lived happily ever after?

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OK, I was asked to describe myself a little, so here goes:

*Friends describe me as creative, witty and -- at times -- petulant.

*I love steaks but eat salads.

*On my bookshelf, you will find John Stuart Mill, Sayyid Qutb, H.P. Lovecraft and the
Catholic Catechism.

*The object of my first BDSM fantasy was Catwoman (Julie Newmar, of course).

< div align="left" dir="ltr" >The Marquis de Sade may have been the most famous French pervert of the 18th-century, but apparently, his celebrated contemporary Jean-Jacques Rousseau also liked his sex rough.

Now, Rousseau is best known as the philosopher who lamented the loss of primitive man’s natural equality and preached the redemptive power of civic virtue – in particular, submission to what he called “the general will.”

However, there was another side to Rousseau – the side that liked to submit to violent femmes (two points: alternative rock reference!).

In his autobiography "The Confessions of Jean-Jacques Rousseau," the philosopher recalls being spanked as a child by his 30-year-old governess, an experience that later inaugurated fantasies of sexual submission.

“To be at the knees of an imperious mistress, to obey her commands, to have to implore her pardon, were for me bliss beyond compare,” Rousseau writes.

Interestingly, this childhood story parallels in some ways Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s own sexual development. (If you don’t know who Sacher-Masoch is, give yourself a hard slap. Hmm, on second thought, never mind.)

Young Leopold first discovered sex when, during a game of hide-and-seek, he ducked into the bedroom closet of his aunt, the Countess Xenobia. Soon afterward, the countess entered the room with a lover and, as the kids say, tapped that.

When Xenobia’s husband came home unexpectedly, the unfaithful countess – rather than panicking or begging for forgiveness – drove him away with a whip. Then discovering Leopold hiding in her closet, she turned on him too.

And, thus, a pervert was born.

Granted, the similarity between the stories could signify nothing. Still, I wonder how many heterosexual masochists got slapped/hit/kicked by an attractive member of the opposite sex a little before puberty took hold.

Your thoughts are most welcome.