המסע שלי

It's an interesting moment,

sitting in a homey house,

being part of her preparing a home-cooked meal,

Doing my part and then just looking at her working away.

She's singing a song, running around, trying not to burn anything.

It's kind of a special thing,

just having something and just being present,

not running away or towards something.

It immediately reminds me of times in a serious relationship,

living with someone,

those calm moments, they're not even a peak of life,

it's just a day, just Friday.

And it makes me think, "Is this the thing that I want? Do I want those calm moments? That just being present in life? Living with someone, sharing a space, a life? Or maybe I'm not built for this kind of life, and I need something else?"

These are the thoughts that are going through my head, and immediately I'm panicking, telling myself, "What does it mean? Maybe I want a relationship. Maybe I need a relationship?"

My breath gets heavy, I want to run away.

And then I remind myself, "Just be present. Feel those feelings. Don't try to give titles or make decisions."

Then it calms a bit.

I'm entering a phase in my life where these kinds of thoughts will come quite a lot

I'm going to change everything in my life, and I don't know who the person on the other side is.

I'm excited to find out.