My Sanctuary

החלתי להמשיך לכתוב
כי זה מה שמשקיט את המוח שלי .
זה מה שמשכך את הכאב שלי , כתיבה תכנית של סקס בסיפור


But what you people hear right now, is just the present situation… so we may begin from the start, from the first days of her secret life as she used to call them. She used to call her life secret because she couldn't tell anyone about what she did, or what she does… no one really accepted her the way she was when they hear about these things she used to do. So I start to tell you from the beginning and then you will understand why it is the way it is. HER SECRET LIFE.

She was young, beautiful little 11 year old kid. She looked older than her age; she used to look 14 when she was 11. But although she looked a good obedient girl, she wasn't. She used to fight with her parents, run away, and she used to look for attention from other people than her family. She had everything she wanted to have, she had love at home, she had good grades and she was a popular kid at school. That always drove her to the question why she's doing the things she does. Every time she asked herself WHY she cut herself, she preferred hurting herself than hurting other people… the pain she always felt inside her tore her heart to pieces. She felt that this pain will never go away. That she will never be able to get rid of it.

She never knew that this pain she felt came from a deeper place than the place she looked in. this pain came from her relationship with her father. He was never at home, and if he was? He was a ghost-father a shouting ghost-father. At home, when her father was around, they needed to walk on eggshells so he won't get pissed and won't shout.
She loved her father but that relationship came to the edge when she was 12 years old. She looked for attention to fill the hole she felt in her heart, she thought that a boyfriend will fix the problem. But that was only in the back of her mind, she didn't knew that that was the reason she wanted a boy, a male- friend, so much. Her father was the reason…