My secret land

Before and after 
So long ago 
I tried to tell you off. 
I screamed myself mad, 
Pulled my hair and bit my nails. 
 
You listened, I know you did. 
Solemnly and blankly, 
You said ‘ok', and ‘whatever you say', 
An nodded your head like you agreed. 
What a laugh. 
 
Long ago I was a fool. 
Long ago and now as well and in the future 
I never learn. 
 
Your eyes grew cold as tears ran down, 
It was then I knew I’m fucking done. 
You matter more then you could ever imagine. 
Yet I can’t endure the chaos you create. 
The drama, the loud way you conduct your life, 
I hate how I can’t stand to have you around. 
Your shit around the house, 
Your hair in all my clothes, 
Your smell on the towel and blanket and pillow. 
Everything you broke. 
 
Like gravestones of my affection, 
The mug, the fan, the toaster, the bed. 
All remain disordered and abandoned. 
You couldn’t bring yourself to tidy up, 
To fix the mess you left behind. 
Why should I? 
 
I’m really asking, I need to know, 
Why should I be the one to let go?