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What does it mean being a woman? You think it is easy..? In "Barbie", Gloria Ferrera describes it to F'ing perfection!

"It is literally impossible to be a woman...

.....You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault"

Add this to being a domme in a BDSM world who's based on a male fantasy of concerning, and making woman submit.. or on the other hand, fulfilling male fantasies of a strong, independent,  humiliating wonder-woman who's both a mother, a domme, with a full time job plus interests. 

Sometimes I just need to be me. Even though... after all this time I need to find time to figure this out, who am I in this world? Why am I doing what I do? Is this who I actually am or this it what others needs me to be?

I need a nap. And coffee. And a nap.