Sweet surrender

I have two very dominant sides to me.
One side is the the need and desire to belong and be owned. To serve, adore, and worship a dominant figure in me life. Funny how a submissive side can be soo dominant.
The other side is my full hearted belief in true love. I hoped and prayed for it all my life, and then when I least expected it, it showed up at my door over two years ago in the form of my Master.
It rocked my world, and took me on roads of discovery. I never knew there could be soo many sides to my love and thousands of unlocked doors in my heart and soul. Each day brings a new dimention and depth. Our love doesn't stay put in one place, it grows and changes just as we do.
There is one little problom though. At several times the two dominant sides in have clashed. The side that has always believed in true love and working and fighting for it, dominated the side that wanted to be enslaved and owned.
I can't seem to give up the power that my love rules. It has caused serious probloms in the past for us. I have done a few immoral acts and payed a heavy price in the end.
I know it is a cliche' , but I did it all out of love.
I can deal with all parts of my Master. I try and learn how to be part of his world and live at peace with what is difficult for me. I can not deal with the '' Others'' at this time still. It feels unnatural, and untrue to me.
I know that this prevents me from reaching the ''top'', but I have to be true to myself if I want to be true to him.
Yes I have hurt various people with my doings. Guess what I was hurt by tem as well. I saw my precious jewel in danger. My pure , tender, love was at jepordy and I panicked. I acted out of fear and not out of wisdom.
It was wrong. But I need to add that if any of the '' others '' were in my place they may have done the same, or left the relationship. Bat zona who ever says differently. I am not a victim anymore, been there done that. I have seen the light. I have felt love, and if I have to fight and crawl for it than I will. I will most certainly never make it to the '' top''. I can live with that, and ever accept it. I feel that I have already reached the top in my love, and to me that means much more.
I read blogs, and see that I am not soo different from other subs. All in all most of them want to be the one and only and to give themselves up to the Master of love.
Love me or hate me when you've stood in my shoes.