Sweet surrender

I have been asking myself this question for so long, " How come"
I asked myself this question again yesterday , "How come"
I don't have a certain answer, only several speculations.
How come I make myself stay around unpleasent, and humiliating situations?
Why can't I tell the offender to fuck off? I won't be treated or spoken to in that way?
Why can't I do the cowardly thing and just walk away or hang up the phone?
Why do I always take the blow, swallow my saliva, and try and smooth things over?
Why do I care so much if the offender is satisfied or not?
I want to be able to stand up for myself and push away all the meaness.
But I can't. It just isn't as simple as it seems.
I was once assulted long ago. I was violated in the worst way possible.
Due to that I have a P.T.S.D.
Way back when when all that shit happened, I did try and fight back, but I also knew that if I continued I would be slautered. So I was passive and accepted my destiny in order to survive. I have been marked for life because I carry around with me this passive survival instinct with me all the time.
When ever I am attacked verbally, or emotionally, I am striken with fear.
I take all that the dealer deals out, and I even try and make things right with them.
I know that nobody has any right to treat me in such a nasty way, but I allow it.
I don't seem to know how to put a stop to it. I get scared just at the thought of confertaion.
I do have a amazing man in my life that builds me up and strengthens me, but he's not always around to protect me. I listen to his wise advice, and try to do what he advises, but I can't, I'm to scared.
I wish that all of these assholes would just fuck off and find another victim.
I don't feel like being anybody's doormat or punching bag, been there done that.
And how come these charecters need to insult another person on order to feel stong and in control?