So many love songs and romance in the movies
Describing this thing called love
These butterflies in your stomach
This never ending craving for the other person
It always seems so perfect, its almost unbelievable...
But then I have these feelings of my own that don't fit the box
I mean I feel those butterflies
I too can't stop thinking of you
And when I'm with you my mind goes quiet and everything around just disappears.
But my mind also goes crazy
Because I know what we have is toxic
I'm aware and fully conscious about it.
I know what we have is unhealthy
Our relationship is like a good old fashion roller-coaster...
The highs are so high, I feel like I can never go down again
The highs make my heart beat fast, they make my legs tingle.
The highs keep me up and night thinking of you, dreaming. Fantasizing.
But then the lows destroy me bit by bit.
They make my heart crumble into a million little pieces.
The lows make me feel like this is all one big mistake we should avoid at all costs.
That the ending will be devastating.
Because no matter how hard we try we can't communicate properly with each other.
We both got our hearts torn into pieces in the past we have a hard time trusting again.
But we want to so bad...
We love each other because of it.
We make each other better people.
We challenge each other's perceptions on relationships.
We teach each other that people are loved in different ways and that's ok.
But it still hurts like hell...
It hurts when you shut me out because you don't have the words to describe the pain you're feeling after I once again triggered your insecurities.
And it hurts when all I want it your arms wrapped around me but you need your space and distance yourself.
It hurts when I know you mean well but the way you say what you say just stings a little over and over again each time.
It hurts knowing that there are some things I need to communicate with you that no matter what, they will offend or hurt you.
I know I'm needy and I need love and affection 24/07.
And I know that's more than you can handle.
But I only need it from you because I'm never really sure how you feel about me and I always need reassurances.
Because one moment you tell me you're crazy about me and the next you once again need distance.
You tell me how much you appreciate me and then you say that I'm obnoxious that I want to kiss and hug you all day long and you can't stand it.
It confuses the shit out of me.
And the worst part is we are doomed to fail.
Because in a month I'll be on the other side of the planet with no return date.
Maybe that's for the best...
We can't see a future with each other anyways.
Either way, I just ended a long term relationship and am far from ready to start a new one.
You have never been in a long term relationship and you are far from ready to be in one either.
My mind knows this is all so temporary..
My mind knows this has to end at some point.
But my heart refuses to listen..
I'm addicted to you and there is no point in denying it.
I'm addicted to your touch, to your scent.
I'm addicted to your smile, to your laugh.
I'm addicted to the way I feel when I'm with you.
I'm addicted to the way you call me yours.
I'm addicted to this pain I feel when missing you.
And now I'm so far away and I can't stop thinking about you.
About the last time we were together..
How we couldn't get enough of each other.
How evey kiss didn't seem like enough.
I can't stop thinking about the way you cried when we said our goodbyes.
I'm crazy about how sensitive you are and how every emotion you have is written on your face.
I know we're doomed but I still miss you
I know we'll never last but I still love you
I know you'll never read this, but if you do, I hopd you know how much you mean to me, and I'm sorry I hurt you over and over again... All I want is for you to be happy...