לפני 13 שנים. 3 ביולי 2010 בשעה 23:25
I'm losing myself again to a lack of internal consistency...
I'll be back when my winds change, as, contradictorily, usual. 😄
I'm still not sure how to feel about this.
It feels too dishonest, trying to communicate such drastically different and changing thoughts, feelings and outlooks every few days, weeks or months, so that even though I know this is who I am, I find it difficult to keep expressing myself in the same place for long. It makes me feel like I'm talking nonsense, even though I'm not.
Or maybe it's just trying to express myself at all that's tiring.
I can think for hours about relatively few words, and I quite plainly don't always feel like doing that.
Unfortunately, my alternative is practically not expressing myself at all. At least, not in those areas I feel I don't express myself enough.
I haven't had proper inspiration in months. It's always half there, at most.
I think I fear the muse. 😄 And the commitment to the ofttimes violent energies it entails.
I think I fear that passion will turn to pain, and it to burden, of which I, frankly, have enough already. 😄
But I think I need the creative orgasm much, much more...
I'll be back when my winds change, as, contradictorily, usual. 😄
I'm still not sure how to feel about this.
It feels too dishonest, trying to communicate such drastically different and changing thoughts, feelings and outlooks every few days, weeks or months, so that even though I know this is who I am, I find it difficult to keep expressing myself in the same place for long. It makes me feel like I'm talking nonsense, even though I'm not.
Or maybe it's just trying to express myself at all that's tiring.
I can think for hours about relatively few words, and I quite plainly don't always feel like doing that.
Unfortunately, my alternative is practically not expressing myself at all. At least, not in those areas I feel I don't express myself enough.
I haven't had proper inspiration in months. It's always half there, at most.
I think I fear the muse. 😄 And the commitment to the ofttimes violent energies it entails.
I think I fear that passion will turn to pain, and it to burden, of which I, frankly, have enough already. 😄
But I think I need the creative orgasm much, much more...
שבוע טוב. :)